Thursday, August 24, 2006

From The Education Desk

From our Education correspondent 23/08/2006:
There is consternation in the academic world today, with the news that super-villain and multi-millionaire businessman Monty Bristow is to endow a Chair in Intelligent Design Biology at Oxbridge College (formerly Pudding Norton Polytechnic). Professor for promoting Public Confusion about the Sciencies at the University, Richard Doorhinge, declared:

"This is ridiculous, an abuse of the name scientist unequalled since I seduced three blonde biology students and claimed it was an experiment. Thse people should be driven from from the universities. Remember, it was these people who persecuted Gallileo."

Dr. Pinkie, speaking from behind bars at a secure physciatric unit described Intelliegent Design as: "Almost as insane as me!" He tried to say more, only the guards mistook it for an attempted escape and stunned him with tazers.

Mr. Bristow, alias 'The Disturber', asked to explain his actions laughed manically, declaring:

"The only purpose of the Disturber is to break the consensus, to tear apart the bonds of convention that hold society together! I will tear apart debate in the University! Hahahaha!"

Having said his piece, Monty Bristow left to open another of his projects, the first Atheist school in Britain.


Zack said...

A peer of mine once did a science experiment on a donkey. But it all got a little out of hand when the donkey died. It was a very distressing loss. I also was involved in scientific pursuits at one point, to which I lost my hind leg. The effect on my intelligence has been remarkable. The female has been plotting in a graph. You wouldn't believe the amount of vertical wallspace necessary.

Anonymous said...

What are the origins of The Green Man? Is he a millionaire playboy by day but mysterious figure in green by night? Is he, like the Green Hornet, a newspaper editor by day? From whence cometh The Green Man?

The fans want to know!

The Green Man said...

That is a secret known only to the Green Man.

Sir Richard Arcos said...

Oh, you'd be surprised, Zack, at what I can believe.

Zack said...

My colleague was German by the way. It absolutely ruined his reputation. Having a donkey die on you is fatal. (To the donkey, you know.)

It was very sad as the experiment could not have been expected to go so wrong. He was trying to determine how it tasted. Now no one will send him more donkeys to experiment with.

Voltaire Reincarnate said...

Sir Richard,

Would you believe that you are the reincarnation of Mariamme, wife of Herod the Great?
I liked you back then too.

Monty Bristow said...

I can send you the children of atheists to experiment on. The school is residential, and provided they are not too badly killed I can always have them brought back as undead killers.

Sir Richard Arcos said...

As I said, my dear, I can believe most things. For verily, I have the wisdom of Solomon.

The wife found it behind the sofa in out Egyptian villa the summer before last.

I have the body of To Cruise as well. Lady Arcos killed him a year of two ago, and we had to replace him with a lookalike. No-one's noticed yet.

Zack said...

The female is one of the undead.

Bertram Pleydell said...

I remember my seventh incarnation, or was it the eighth? I had just bathed in asses' milk and ordered the guard to bring in five of my concubines with grapes and meat. Then everything went black, the sort of black that indicates death, and the next thing I remember was standing in the middle of a swamp in Dacia wearing only a pair of leather shorts and asking the Barbarians if they would very kindly not invade us.

Things suddenly went black after that, too.