Crooks' Tours: Part Twenty

The Green Man, with Lady Sylvia by his side, examined the shattered ruins of the Castle. The girl shook her head sadly.

"Such a wonderful building," she observed, "another treasure of old England lost."

"I know," the Green Man shook his head. "But when the wicked touch lovely things, they can get dreadfully broken. Coote has paid for his crimes. Permanently."

"I still think dumping him in the River Wensum with a thirty large and heavy pieces of silver in his pockets was a bit mean."

"He was a master of the legal system," the Green Man replied. "He would have been able to escape with a light sentence, even with the evidence you could have supplied."

"Oh, I know," Lady Sylvia laughed, "I guess it's just nerves. I mean, this is only my second case..."

"And may there be many more," the Green Man nodded. "A wire from Ms. Madison arrived at the Post Office this morning. Apparently she's on her way back from her holiday via a few of the more obscure places in the tropics. I'll be meeting her in Central Africa - you can come too, if you like."

"Why not?" Lady Sylvia smiled breezily. "It beats pretending to work for a living, and my brother can stop badgering me, too."

"Everyone's a winner," the Green Man conceded. "But before we go, there's a little unfinished business I have to attend to, here in Britain."

Crooks' Tours: Part Nineteen

As the Green Man plunged into the blazing structure, timbers falling all around him. Only his fire-proofed coat, hat and mask kept him from being seriously burned. Once packed with wicked men, the house was empty now. Any sensible man would have backed away, but the Green Man was made of sterner stuff. Plunging through the furnace, the Green Man searched for the door to the secondary control room.

When at last he located it, the door turned out to be locked solid. Drawing his gun, the avenger of evil shot out the lock, before hurrying into the control room.

If the rest of the house was blazing from end to end, the control room remained quite undamaged, proofed against everything, prsumably so as to allow the missile to be launched even if the castle was under siege. The destruct button was there, if only he could find it!

Although safe from the flames, the Green Man could still feel the heat, documents in the wall-cabinets bursting into flames. The Green Man mopped his brow, as he busied himself about his work. There was a thoroughness in the Green Man's search, for he knew there would be no second chances.

At last, the Green Man found a small red button. Pressing it, he saw the missile's trace fade from the scanner. London, at least, was safe, for the rocket must have detonated in the upper atmosphere.

Turning to the door, the Green Man hurried back through the blazing building, an almost suicidal act. But the Green Man was nothing if not fearless. Plunging through the inferno, the Green Man emerged from the building, smoke-blackened, short of breath, but indisputably alive.

"London's safe," he told the Outsider.

Crooks' Tours: Part Eighteen

As flames spread over the mansion, the Green Man leapt for the control panel, feverishly searching for a destruct button. The Outsider hurried to another control, joining in the search. As smoke began to pour into the room, they redoubled their efforts.

"What sort of a supervillain gets a lair that catches fire when he launches his pet nuke?" the Outsider demanded.

"The sort who wants to conceal the evidence," the Green Man replied. "Any sign of a destruct switch, Outsider?"

"Nope," the Outsider shrugged, "shall we get out?"

"We can't!" the Green Man redoubled his efforts, "if that missile reaches London, millions could die!"

"And if we stay too long, Lady Sylvia's likely to join them!" The Outsider exclaimed hotly.

"What have you done?" the door burst open to admit Marcus Coote, a gun in his hand. He drew a bead on the Green Man, only to have one of the Outsider's crossbow bolts pin him to the wall.

"It was your boss," the Green Man replied. "But the flames will still serve as a means of vengeance. Collect Lady Sylvia, Outsider, while we leave Mr. Coote here to burn."

"No!" Coote blanched, "don't kill me! Don't let me die!"

"Then tell me where the destruct switch is!" the Green Man grabbed the lawyer by the throat, "or I'll leave you here!"

"In the secondary control room, by the tower!" Coote yelled, "but it's an inferno in there!"

"I know!" the Green Man cried, "but I have to try!"

The Green Man ran from the room, leaving the Outsider to free Coote, before leading the corrupt lawyer, carrying Lady Sylvia, out of the building. Turning, Emily Fairbain saw the castle, ablaze from end to end.

Crooks' Tours: Part Seventeen

Lady Sylvia started forward, only to be stopped by a blow on the jaw from one of the Grey Tabby's minions. As the young aristocrat crumpled to the ground, the Grey Tabby turned on his intercom.

"Set the countdown for five minutes," he instructed someone, "and bring Mr. Coote here."

In the halls of the corridor, the Outsider and the Green Man continued to make mincemeat of the opposition. A number of the Grey Tabby's hired goons turned tail and fled. The Outsider wiped out most of them as well.


"And now for the big prize," the Green Man strode down the cavernous halls of the castle, tracking Lady Sylvia by the radio tracker the brunette had concealed on her.

"Do I get to kill him?" the Outsider asked plaintively.

"Not the main baddie," the Green Man told the young assassin. "As the hero of this story, I get to do that bit."

"Okay," the Outsider saluted, "but I can kill everyone else, can't I?"

"Yes," the Green Man sighed, "and remind me to settle this before I borrow you next time."

"Okay!" the Outsider replied brightly, "let's go in!"

They crashed through the door of the control room. The Grey Tabby turned to face the Green Man, smiling in triumph.

"You have saved Norfolk," he growled, "but you cannot save London!"

As the Grey Tabby sank into the floor, a tube of steel covered the supervillain. At the same time, the rocket motors of the missile engaged. As the missile took off, the backdraft set the castle on fire.

"Great," the Outsider sighed, "we have to save the world and ourselves."

Crooks' Tours: Part Sixteen

The Green Man paused in the Castle gardens, looking back at his black and smoky ally. The Outsider laughed, looking at the small part of the castle that was visible.

"Do you think there 're many bad guys in there?" Emily asked.

"You're a bloodthirsty little Outsider, aren't you?" the Green Man shook his head. "But probably. Shall we get to work?"

"Sure thing, boss," the Outsider drew her crossbow, before fading from view.

Leaving the Outsider to go her own way, the Green Man strode towards the house, drawing his gun. A sniper drew a bead on the menacing crime-fighter, only to take a crossbow bolt to the chest. This time, when the Green Man crashed through the French Windows, there was only a single man to try and stop him. Gunning the man down, the Green Man moved further into the castle, a slight disturbance in the air behind him indicating the invisible presence of the Outsider.

"You see"" Lady Sylvia turned to the Grey Tabby, smiling, "you can't win against the Green Man."

"Maybe not," the sinister super-criminal laughed, "but I can try." He hit a button on his desk. "Coote, I want you!"

"Coming, master," Coote souned servile.

"And start the countdown," the Grey Tabby added. "London is to be destroyed."

Crooks' Tours: Part Fifteen

"Of course, if you want to die," the Outsider shot down another man at random,2 you can keep attacking this city. In fact, you can be my guest, since I haven't had this many targets in years, but..."

Most of the mercenaries didn't stay for the end of the Outsider's monologue, instead deciding that discretion was the better part of valour and heading for the proverial tall timber. The Outsider finished off those who remained.

"Well done," the Green Man stepped out of the smoke. "Outsider, I think we can leave the main force to Sir Richard Arcos and the Lesser Pudding Yeomanry."

"Do we have to?" the Outsider sounded disappointed. "I was just getting warmed up!"

"I thought you might be," the Green Man led the way out of the city centre, past the carcasses of wrecked houses and public buildings. "But we're not retreating. We have a job to do."

"A job that involves killing people, I hope," the Outsider laughed, sliding a new arrow into her crossbow."

"And saving lives," the Green Man confirmed. "Lady Sylvia is still in the hands of the Grey Tabby, and he still has his nuclear missile."

"So it's off to the castle then?" the Outsider asked, her red eyes glowing gently.

"Where the bad guys live," the Green Man confirmed. "And I shall be awarding useful prizes to the person who takes down the most bad guys."

Crooks' Tours: Part Fourteen

As the Grey Tabby's ruthless mercenaries fanned out into the city of Norwich, only the Territorial Army and a few brave citizens stood against the evil men. And the Green Man, who moved silently among the alleys and streets of the ancient city, dragging men to their doom, wiping out scattered patrols.

But not even the strange strength of the Green Man could prevent the Grey Tabby's troops from pushing on towards the city centre. Still, the destruction of a couple of their Armoured Personnel Carriers caused a few men some concern.

The troops sent to secure the Anglia Square shopping centre did not get there, as the Green Man made short work of the battle-hardened troops. Every man in the company died, falling victim to the Green Man's deadly fists and gun. Frightened citizens of the city cheered, as the mysterious figure in green hurled the company's leader from the Magadelen Street Flyover.

"There are people who will fight!" The Green Man assured the cheering crowds.

In the City Centre, as the Territorial Army began to flag, three men fell victim to a succession of deadly crossbow bolts. Before their fellows could do anything, the Outsider materialised, silent and deadly.

Crooks' Tours: Part Thirteen

The city of Norwich is a contrast to the county, a financial powerhouse, home of the mighty Norwich Union financial corporation, the city has long been a home to financial businesses, with Virgin Money and parts of the almost monopolistic Royal Bank of Scotland having joined the mighty insurance firm. Still, parts of the city retain their medieval street plan, and throughout the city, the historic rubs shoulders with the modern. It was in the Northern part of the city, close to an old railway station, that the Grey Tabby's mercenaries struck. Before the commuters could get as far as work, the men had streamed out of their armoured personell carriers, onto the streets.

Soon, explosions rocked the northern part of the city. The old station building, where a detatchment of the Territorial Army holed up, was reduced to a ruin. Threatened with the destruction of London, the Government refused to commit troops from the West of the county.

The mercenaries fanned out into residential streets, as more began to arrive, forcing residents to stay inside. Schools were closed, and policemen shot down. The brutal mercenaries, trained in the hardest combat theatres of the previous decades, started to lock down the neighbourhood of crowded terraces and tall fences, combing the area for any troublemakers.

One patrol of seven men, moving towards the Norwich Union buildings on Sussex Street, moving through an alleyway, were stopped in their tracks by the sight of a lone figure.

"Good Morning," said the Green Man.

Crooks' Tours: Part Twelve

Lady Sylvia watched in horror, as a series of explosions tore the room apart. The Grey Tabby laughed in triumph, his finger still on a button on his desk.

"And so," he turned to the brunette, smiling triumphantly, "the Green Man passes from the scene, and a new leader of the criminals of Europe emerges."

"After you took all that money for the Republic of London?" Lady Sylvia shook her head. "You know..."

"What you don't know, Lady Sylvia," the Grey Tabby shot back, "is that every one of my backers is now either dead or in prison after a series of anonymous tip-offs."

"If they find out, they'll be mad," Lady Sylvia smiled, trying not to look she was on the verge of tears.

"If!" the Grey Tabby laughed mockingly. "You know that there is no honour among thieves."

"naturally," the brunette nodded. "I used to work for you, after all. And what about your new plan?"

"That will succeed!" the Grey Tabby declared, "and those who are with me shall become rich beyond their wildest dreams!"

"And there was I hoping you'd attack them," Lady Sylvia shrugged. "And after I managed to turn on the Public Address system."

"But I had noticed," the Grey Tabby turned it off. "Now, Lady Sylvia, you are to go to your room, change and come down in an hour, to see my assault on Norfolk begin."

"No." She shook her head firmly.

"Are you afraid?" the villain asked her menacingly.

"Nope," Lady Sylvia replied spiritedly. "I just wanted to take a shower and fix my hair."

Crooks' Tours: Part Eleven

The Green Man did not hear the gloatingof the Grey Tabby, as he pressed on into the castle (and who can be surprised, when the supervillain was in another room, a long way away). A man tried to shoot him from the gallery of another of the castle's cavernous halls, but the Green Man saw him first. He died in a moment, and the sinister figure in green moved on, whistling a haunting melody.

Kicking open another door, the Green Man scanned the room. Leaping inside, he dodged the automatic crossbows, shaking his head.

"Someone's short on originality," the Green Man chuckled. Another shot took out a poorly-hidden security camera. At once, gas flooded the room. Clapping on a gas-mask, the Green Man moved on. When the door at the end of the room proved locked, the Green Man shot out the lock. Re-loading, the Green Man moved on, further into the maze of rooms that comprised the Castle.

The room he moved into was a small ante-chamber, one door of which swung open to reveal what appeared to be a study. There, seated behind a desk, was the figure of Marcus Coote. He was flanked by armed men and looked very unfriendly.

"Welcome," he smiled at the Green Man. "You have come far, but now my chief will have his revenge."

As he finished speaking, the room exploded.

Crooks' Tours: Part Ten

Reaching up, the Green Man plucked a spear from the wall. Ducking, he pinned a man to the wall. Dropping to the floor, the Green Man picked up his gun and fired. Four men fell dead, as the Green Man rose once more.

"Believe it or not," the Green Man laughed, "I was expecting something of that sort. "It was all too easy. Now, who wants to die first?"

The men looked somewhat confused, allowing the Green Man to shoot a couple more.

"Each one of you," the Green Man laughed, "is a killer. And killers have to die." Another man was shot. The remaining men turned and ran. The Green Man moved on, reloading his gun.

Lady Sylvia laughed, as she watched the Green Man on a television screen. Turning to the Grey Tabby, she smiled.

"Is that the best you can do?" she asked.

"On the contrary," the villain laughed wickedly, "I haven't even started."

Crooks' Tours: Part Nine

The Green Man made short work of the men in the lodge. Although they were all feared mercenaries, the men ended up on the floor, most of them dead. Leaving a card behind him, the Green Man moved on, into the castle grounds, drawing his revolver. Keeping low, camoflaged by the verdant greenery, the Green Man approached the soaring towers of the Castle. Checking the radio sensor that detected the homing beacon on Lady Sylvia's shoe, he looked up at the mighty tower.

The mysterious figure in green crept across the lawn, looking out for gunmen. When he saw none, the Green Man checked the French windows. The one nearest to him opened, drawing a smile from the Green Man. Nevertheless, he swung open the door, walking into a pleasant room.

From there, the Green Man entered a stately gothic hall. There was a broad table, laid as if for a meal, along with spears and other weapons. The Green Man registered these with a smile, moving towards the fireplace.

The doors to the room burst open, admitting numerous armed mercenaries. Turning, the Green Man raised his hands, letting his gun drop from his hands.

"And now," the leader of the mercenaries laughed, "we shall see who's under the mask."

Crooks' Tours: Part Eight

Lady Sylvia looked at the smiling figure of the Grey Tabby. Despite the awful sinking feeling in her stomach, she was determined to show true British grit. Drawing up her shoulders, she looked the master-criminal in the eye.

"You won't get away with it," she told him defiantly.

"If all the people of Britain were like you and the other associates of the Green Man," the Grey Tabby laughed, "then I would agree, but the people of Britain are soft, weak. Show them a little suffering, and they'll demand that the government caves in."

"Hitler thought that," Lady Sylvia shot back. "So did Galtieri and the Kaiser."

"But Hitler reckoned without Churchill," the Grey Tabby rose grandly, "Galtieri without Thatcher, the Kaiser without Lloyd George. Britain's leaders today are weak, effete"

"But you've forgotten the Green Man," Lady Sylvia replied.

At the Castle's lodge, a group of uniformed mercenaries watched the road, waiting for a delivery of weapons that had landed on Blakeney Point that morning. A movement in the woods caused a sentry to start. Looking again, he saw nothing.

"What is it?" one of the men looked up at his comrade.

"I thought I saw something move," the mercenary shook his head, "something green."

"Probably a tree," the man laughed. "Now, get back to watching the road."

"It's too late for that." A voice from the door caused the men to turn.

The Green Man leapt forward, a strong fist slamming into the jaw of the man closest to him.

Crooks' Tours: Part Seven

"You?" Lady Sylvia looked incredulously at the sinister figure behind the desk. He glared back at her.

"That's right, Lady Sylvia - or should I say Miss Jones?" the Grey Tabby replied, voice stern and sinister. "You may have ruined my plan to create an independent London, a refuge for the criminal classes of Europe, but you did not destroy me."

"So what are you up to this time?" the brunette demanded angrily.

"You'd believe me if I said it was simply revenge," the Grey Tabby smiled wickedly. "If I'd just concocted this whole scheme to attract the Green Man and his agents, like moths to a flame."

"Actually," the young aristocrat replied spiritedly, "I wouldn't. You see, I know you, Grey Tabby, and I know you wouldn't go to all this just to get revenge. You're much too greedy, Tabby."

"Thank you," the Grey Tabby laughed. "You're right, of course. I am the managing director of Crooks' Tours. As you know, Lady Sylvia, it is my contention that the weakness of organised crime is that it is organised on strictly amateur lines. If crime was run like any other major business, revenue would be far higher than it is. Given that the major reason for criminals being forced to give up their professions is that they are too well known by the local police."

"We've already worked that out," Lady Sylvia replied.

"But what no-one knows," the Grey Tabby laughed, "is that I'm building an army of crooks here. If you know your local history, Lady Sylvia, you will know that, in the sixteenth century, a man called Robert Kett led an army of peasants to take Norwich. I intend to use my army of crooks to take Norwich. My criminal state will be Norfolk."

"You'll never get away with it," Lady Sylvia shot back bravely.

"But I will..." the Grey Tabby laughed softly. "You see, within the tower of this castle is a missile, a small missile, but a missile equipped with a nuclear warhead. More than enough to destroy London. And we both know, my dear Lady Sylvia, that the Government will do anything to save its own skin.

Crooks' Tours: Part Six

Lady Sylvia was somewhat pleased when she came to. She was very glad that the gas had been knock-out gas, not poison. Stretching, she examined the ceiling of the room she was in. It was the heavy mock-tudor favoured by the Victorians. It had to be the Castle, she thought.

Rising from the soft bed she had been laid in, Lady Sylvia crossed to the door. She was not surprised to find it locked. She scolded herself for ignoring the Green Man's warnings. She ought to have expected an alarm or booby-trap of some kind.

"Awake, my dear?" someone knocked on the door. Lady Sylvia stepped back from the door, readying herself for an escape attempt.

The portly figure of Mr. Coote stepped through the door, a gun in his hand. Raising her hands, the young aristocrat stepped away from the door.

"You're a sensible girl, Lady Sylvia," Coote laughed. "You don't have a chance."

Lady Sylvia moved swiftly, catching the portly Coote off-guard. She was able to knock him backwards. A high-kick sent him falling across the bed. Not waiting to follow up her advantge, Lady Sylvia bolted.

A cry from the end of the corridor sent Lady Sylvia running through the nearest door, into an airy study with a great bay window in it, a massive desk dominating the room. She drew back with a gasp at the sight of the figure at the desk.

"Good evening, my dear," said the Grey Tabby.

Crooks' Tours: Part Five

The Castle consisted of an old house with a huge extension that looked about a hundred and fifty years old. Lady Sylvia could only smile at the showiness of it all. Her father, an earl, lived in a real castle, and this looked just like so much fake to her. Even the liveried footmen looked like extras. And yes, Lady Sylvia was a snob.

"And you, my dear," a middle-aged man who bore a resemblance to Adolphe Menjou, took her hand, "must be the fragrant Lady Sylvia Vaughan."

"Right first time," she beamed peppily. "And you have to be Marcus Coote, the chap who owns all this. It's a nice house."

"Nothing on Mainstone, I'm told," he replied, still smiling.

"That's not hard," she laughed charmingly. "So, how do you spend your days, Mr. Coote? I'm told you used to work for a living."

"But now I follow the example of my better," he shot back. "Now, excuse me, Lady Sylvia, but I see a Justice of the Peace who wants to talk to me. Make yourself at home."

"But of course," the brunette let him go. As soon as she was left alone, she headed off into the caverous halls of the castle, searching for Coote's study.

She slipped off her shoes as she climbed a flight of stairs, towards the newest section of the house. If her father's house was anything to go by, that would be where the living quarters were.

She was half-way up the stairs when something gave way under her feet. she fell heavily onto the stairs, and a jet of gas hit her in the face. Her head span a couple of times, before she passed out cold. As darkness claimed her, Lady Sylvia heard someone laughing, very close at hand.

Crooks' Tours: Part Four

Lady Sylvia had been wondering just when the Green Man would show up. She now supposed that he must make a habit of showing up when his poor, hard-pressed assistant worked out what was going on. And with this elderly man present, he had been forced out of the woodwork.

"And you..." Mr. Nicholson smiled wryly, "are the Green Man, Lady Sylvia, may I..."

"I know," the young aristocrat smiled back. "I'm one of the Green Man's agents. That's why I'm here."

"So you're here for the same reason I am, then," the elderly detective chuckled. "And you fooled me pretty well, Lady Sylvia. My congratulations."

"Think nothing of it," she laughed. "Now, why don't you tell me about Coote of the castle?"

"Not much to tell, my dear," he bowed, "only that Mr. Coote bought the castle a few years ago. He was a lawyer specialising in handling the defence for members of the underworld, but retired under a cloud. Now he pretends to be a country gentleman, but I believe he's using the Castle and his contacts to run a labour exchange for crooks. I'd be able to find out more if I could only find a way in."

"And I," the Green Man told Mr. Nicholson, "feel just the same way. But Coote would never ask someone with your connections to detection to his house. Burglary could be done, but that would alert him, and the agency would close down."

"But a great big snob like Marcus Coote doesn't need to be asked to invite some people," Lady Sylvia beamed proudly. "Take a good look, guys," she struck a pose, "I'm invited to a party at Mr. Coote's Castle tonight."

"Just a whisper of a title..." Ralph Nicholson sighed.

"The wicked," the Green Man declared, "are often shallow. Just be careful, Lady Sylvia. Remember, you are still very inexperienced."

"How can I forget?" Lady Sylvia smiled sweetly. "My brother always reminds me of that. And I won't be alone."

Crooks' Tours: Part Three

Lady Sylvia looked a little concerned at the news. Since the Green Man had not told her what was going on, but left her to work things out for herself. She supposed it must be because she was new, and the Green Man was testing her.

"Really?" she asked Mr. Nicholson.

"Really," he nodded, his manner a little patronising. Lady Sylvia wondered if he thought she was some air-headed aristocrat. "And there have been crimes committed in Glasgow by London Villains, two members of the Cardiff Mafia were shot dead in Corsica last year. Put simply, my dear, over the last few years, crooks from different parts of the world have been travelling to work with mobs where their faces are not known."

"How do you know?" Lady Sylvia narrowed her pretty eyes.

"Because, my dear," Mr. Nicholson drawled pleasantly, "I am not simply the old duffer at the Old Rectory. Ralph Nicolson, Principal of the Nicholson Detective agency."

"So you know your stuff," Lady Sylvia smiled. "Do you know who the man doing this is?"

"I have a suspect," he told her, as they reached the gate of the Hall. "Look over there -" he pointed across the park to a large house, with pinnacles and towers "-that is Prior's Castle, bought seven years ago by Marcus Coote. And I think Coote's the man running this."

"And so do I." The two turned, as the Green Man stepped out of the trees behind them.