21:48 BST, Scotland Yard Report (stolen from the desk of Superintendent Horace Madison).
Monty Bristow, alias The Disturber, announced today the first shocking secret in his inexplicable campaign of revenge against society. His first blow was the production of conclusive proof that there was more than one gunman in Dallas in November 1963. There were in fact four men on the grassy knoll, one mafia hitman, a CIA gunman, a disgruntled Cuban exile and a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Accordingly, every conspiracy theory about the assassination was correct.
The various groups believing these theories have banded together to bring down the US Government only to realise that everyone involved in the plot is either dead or retired. Freed from having to waste time propagating this theory, hundreds of people begin to ask serious questions about government, or kill themselves as they have nothing better to do. As Bristow threatens to make even more revelations, Scotland Yard are at a loss to track him down.
He could be anywhere, disturbing the settled order of things, persuading Michael Moore not to make any more films, Bill Clinton to tell everything about his Presidency, Tony Blair to tell the truth once in a while, the leaders of the Arab nations to stop blaming Israel and the West for everything.
Who knows where the Disturber will strike next?