Saturday, August 19, 2006

Nine: Doom of a Discomfiter Part two

The Green Man's secretary, Ms. Madison, then staying at the George V, Paris, noticed the site on her laptop. She, a convinced Methodist, despite her reputation for attending every important party in her area, even when not invited, saw some inconsistencies, and began to do some checking.

Ms. Madison discovered that the blog was being run from the Pacific Coast of the United States. Calling the agents of the Green Man in the United States, she discovered the relationship between the first post and the drugs shipment. Calling the Green Man, Ms. Madison informed her employer that something was happening in America.

The Green Man instructed Ms. Madison to fly to Los Angeles right away, check into the L.A. Hilton, monitor traffic on the Discomfiter website and await further instructions. Ms. Madison packed up her pretties and made her way to Los Angeles, knowing that the Green Man would soon be coming to America.

In the meantime, the Green Man had left his first threat on the website, warning that: The Green Man will make his presence known.

19 comments:

Zack said...

Is that what Ms. Whomsoever wore to parties, or to church? Or to hang out the washing?

A convinced Methodist indeed. The One True Church of Camino Viejo Maninal (we are currently advertising for a ruling elder- see here) would have excommunicated her. Even before they saw the dress.

The Green Man said...

Ms. Madison wore the dress to a party at the Italian Embassy to which she was not invited.

L. Madison said...

Come on! How else is a girl meant to get into swank parties? You'd be surpised what a well-cut gown can get you!

The Rev. W. J. Barings said...

Since Ms. Madison's attendance at any church is actually patchy, due to her jet-set lifestyle, I don't think she's actually a mamber of any church at all. Although she tried to join the United Airlines Methodist Church, which holds its services on transatlantic flights. Communion is currently banned there due to the bomb alerts which led to the grape-juice being confiscated.

Zack said...

Oh, then she should have met up with the O. Bucky's, who also attend church in flight. "here there or in the air" has a double significance for these people. As the four ruling elders they were probably responsible for refusing her membership. Probably on the grounds that her name isn't the same as theirs.

By the way Sir Richard if you're reading this we have no problem baptizing cats. The Dominion mandate you know.

Sir Richard Arcos said...

No problem baptising cats!

Listen, old man, I remember attending a cat baptism service at the First Cat Baptist Church of Pudding Norton. Never again. The cat put out its legs on either side of the font, spitting. When it was picked up, the cat began flailing wildly, thrashing with its claws out. The Minister lost his remaining eye, and his face was scratched down to the bone. The cat was eventually tied up, causing lasting damage to three deacons, then dunked, after which it bit the pastor's nose.

You can tell an elder or deacon of the Cat Baptist Church by their injuries and/or missing eyes.

HZ said...

Hello, this is the female. Zack has been trying to contact Voltaire by incense stick, but he is currently unavailable. We think he's being purchased.

However my husband and I wanted to ask you, Green Man, to please, 'take care' of our dog.

Ms. Madison, am I to understand that you are a relation to 'Madison of the Yard?'

L. Madison said...

You have no idea what my father thinks of me!

HZ said...

No, dear little L. But I can imagine.

Zack said...

It all comes of your faulty theology. Don't you know the apostles sprinkled their first cat converts?

We've found a long range super soaker to be especially helpful as they generally head for the door once they realize what's going on.

Sir Richard Arcos said...

You're right of course, Zack, my boy. But the Cat-Baptists hold that the only mode of baptism is triune immersion.

Indeed, the separatist Cat-Baptists of Little Snoring hold that Paul's words to the gaoler of Philipi contain a missing word 'pets' in the admonition to baptism with his household, and that only baptism in the water and the blood (the latter generated by the cats) is valid baptism.

Voltaire Reincarnate said...

Voltaire has returned. Squirm, o Christians.
Sir Richard, I knew Lady A in a previous incarnation.

Sir Richard Arcos said...

You can't fool me, old thing. I know you of old. That picture is Marion Davies, Hearst's girl.

If you did know Lady Arcos in a previous incarnation, I assume that would have been at the end of it.

Voltaire Reincarnate said...

Lady A tried to do her thing --but I was one too many for her. A swirling hot tub with bubble bath and a cocktail straw kept me going until she had left the premises.

Zack said...

Voltaire! We thought you were a can of green beans! But you're Lillian Gish!

Zack said...

Sir Richard,

We baptize goats and monkeys too. We give Paul's words the widest universalism. The gospel in the old dispensation was limited to cats. But now the goats and monkeys have also been brought in.

Sir Richard Arcos said...

I'd inform the Cat Baptists but they might be annoyed. And annoyed Cat Baptists are a sight to behold. Truth to tell, any Cat Baptist elder is a sight to behold. Most are missing eyes, and some are also missing fingers and noses.

Of course, the oddest group I've ever come across were the Baboon Baptisers of Bulawayo. They believed that all of creation had to be baptised, but especially Baboons. Sadly, the group is getting low on members after the mass Baboon Baptism of 1977. One hundred angry baboons were brought to the pool. Sad to say, they tore apart most of the congregation. You can tell those who lived through that ceremony. All are disfigured and missing limbs.

And then there was the chap who tried to sprinkle a hippo only to have it rend him. Painful, don't you know?

And the Flea-Baptists. Used to baptise fleas with a pipette. Trouble is the fleas tended to jump on them. No-one wanted to sit next to them at the Pudding Norton Churches together united service, I can tell you. Scratching all the time is most unnerving...

Lady Arcos tells me she once managed to kill a bloke being baptised by substituting sulphuric acid for the water. She's been ticked off for disturbing a church service (and let me tell you, it was nothing if not disturbing).

Zack said...

The buffalo baptists are a good size group here. Of course their numbers have increased in inverse proportion to the number of buffalos available for baptism.

Sir Richard Arcos said...

Not surprised.