From the religion desk:
Yesterday, in a secular fury, Harris Williams, a disciple of Bobby Henderson, approached the office of Monty Bristow, alias the Disturber, about his proposal to endow a Chair of Inteligent design. He wrote to Mr. Bristow in the vein of Mr. Henderson's 'Flying Spaghetti Monster' parody, demanding that Mr. Bristow also endow a Chair of FSM-ism.
When Monty Bristow granted him an interview, no-one was more surprised than Harris Williams. Still, filled with confidence in his abilities, this atheist went in to see Monty Bristow. As he entered the huge room, Monty Bristow rose to greet him.
"Why, Mr. Williams," the super-villain smiled. "So, you believe in a Flying Spaghetti Monster, do you?"
Harris decided to press the parody and agreed with Bristow. He declared his belief that everything was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster, although no-one had ever seen it, and it could pass through matter.
"So," Bristow smiled, voice l0w. "No-one has ever seen a Flying Spaghetti Monster, have they?"
Williams' eyes opened in fear, as a huge trap-door in the floor opened. Something huge and formless rose from the pit beneath. Two eyes on stalks looked straight at Mr. Williams, while huge, slimy tentacles waved. The smell of Italian food filled the air.
"No... no!" the atheist blanched. "It cannot be! You don't exist!"
Monty Bristow laughed still more loudly.
"Oh, it exists, Mr. Williams!" he cried in unholy triumph, "it exists! Believe in it, believe in the terror of the Disturber!"
Closer and closer came the ghastly thing.
"NO!" Williams screamed in terror. "I don't believe in you! It was a joke!"
"Believe or disbelieve," Bristow laughed. "This flying spaghetti monster is real!" His laughter became louder, madder. "But this flying spaghetti monster created nothing! I, Monty Bristow, created it! And I control it!
Williams tried to run, but found himself rooted to the spot.
"It cannot create, only destroy!" Monty Bristow gestured to the quivering creature. "Kill him, my pretty!"
The great slimy beast enveloped the screaming, immoblised Williams.