Tuesday, June 19, 2007

End of Term Exercises at St. Narcolepts

Our Education correspondent writes: Asanother academic year draws to its premature close, like a VenusFly-trap missing its fly, so the young men and women of colleges across the land aree sent out into a world that is all-too ready to receive them. Today, Sir Richard Arcos presents a recent visit to St. Narcolepts, as the Anglican church's least-known college finishes another year.

Arriving at the college, I was greeted by the sight of three young scholars and a grey-headed man burning another scholar, apprently for getting the highest mark in the college's history. Founded for the education of the sons of the gentry, St. Narcolept's has long maintained a tradition of mediocrity, the average degree class being a Third, and the more usual a 'gentleman's pass.' Graduation is still about a month away, but already the bonfire is being built for the hog-roast. A list of the college's extra-curricular activities shows that more has been achieved on this front than ever before, giving even more students than ever an excuse for failing.

The recent introduction of courses for women and extra-mural classes has allowed some sons and daughters of the gentry to take courses this year without attending a single lecture - another excellent excuse for doing poorly. Lady Sylvia vaughan, the green Man's latest recruit, has just finished a foundation year in criminology in order to get something that even looks like a grade so that she can begin a dgree next year. Despite failing, she will be getting a diploma for hosting a criminology ball in her famil home, Mainstone.

We hope to present the graduation ceremony in due course.

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