Tuesday, September 19, 2006

A New Term at St. Narcolept's

This year's dedication service address was given by Sir Richard Arcos, in the absence of the Vice-Chancellor, Canon Vaughan Candlestick-Smith. In it, Sir Richard welcomed the new students, inviting them to picture the new year at St. Narcolept's:

'Lads and lasses, you face now the greatest adventure of your life - escape from this bally burg,' the gentleman intoned gravely. 'The food here stinks, and the nearest pub is five miles away. I mean, you can't even get beer in this place! What sort of college is that? I ask you! If I had my way, I'd open a pub on campus, but the staff won't let me. In fact, if they weren't all locked in the Pincipal's office, I wouldn't be here speaking to you. Still, you can all come back to the manor house for beer and buns after the paralyzing speech the Dean was planning to deliver...'

Sir Richard's speech was enthusiastically welcomed, and students asked him to speak further. He declined the honour, having seen the police arrive. Accrordingly, Sir Richard left, pausing only to collect his fee in the form of a Reubens from the college library (which has already been sold in Amsterdam to three millionaires - no, not a syndicate, three seperate millionaires. Sir Richard is a good amateur painter, but the real thing had to go missing).


The Girl in Grey said...

Ah, dear old Sir Richard. It's a shame he's already married, really. Otherwise I could try to make the Green Man jealous by hanging around with him.

Sir Richard Arcos said...

Don't let Lady Arcos hear you saying that. She's been known to bury people alive for less.

The Girl in Grey said...

But I'm a good girl, and I stay away from married men, like good girls ought to.

Please tell Lady Arcos that.

Zack said...

GG, Lady Arcos will bung you with her handy dandy brick.

I have just seen that you too have a blog. I am disturbed. It is pink.

Sir Richard Arcos said...

Talking of disturbed, I knew a chap once who believed he was the reincarnation of Karl Marx. Only he believed Marx had come back as a poached egg.

The Girl in Grey said...

Zack. I know. Samantha felt that grey would look too depressing, and she preferred pink.