Monday, September 18, 2006

College Guide: By Sir Richard Arcos

As the 'varsity starts up again, it is perhaps worthwhile to introduce a few lesser-known seats of learning. St. Narcolept's College, Great Snoring is one such institution. Founded by the High Church Party in the last century, its records show many illustrious names. Here are a few:

Rev. Hugh Hubert-Jenks, former Rector of St. Dogfield's Attrick. Defrocked in 1912 for forgery.

Rev. John Johnson, former Vicar of Christchurch, Grimsby. Defrocked 1920 for selling the Church roof to developers.

Rev. Dino DeSaspirrilla, Chaplain to the Guild of St. Alphonse the Blessed. Defrocked 1957 when it was discovered he was in fact a Mafia Don and the guild a front for a protection racket. Still claims to be in orders. Currently in San Quentin.

Rev. John Bassas, former College Chaplain. Defrocked after being exposed as a cat-burglar (he sold then to the local furrier).

King Zog of Albania: Honourary Graduate (He returned the Diploma).

Bishop John Honson-Hooson. Leader of a notorious polygamous cult in the West Midlands.

Alwyn the Bloody. Graduated from the school of Misson in 1982, currently ruthless South American Dictator.

The college is justly known throughout the world. Perhaps this is why it has a recuitment crisis.


The Girl in Grey said...

Rev John Bassass ought to watch out for ME.

The Girl in Grey, protector of cats everywhere.

Sir Richard Arcos said...

He can't. The wife locked him in a cupboard with 100 cats who scratched his eyes out.

The Girl in Grey said...

Boy, am I glad to hear that. Full marks for his wife, she sounds my kind of lady.

Zack said...

I do hope the cats were baptized. I hate to see an unbaptized cat going to the furriers.

I once knew a small religious sect living in Utah who had multiple 'celestial wives'. They distinguished themselves from the Mormons because their wives were celestial, and while the Mormons practiced polygamy against God's command, they practiced polygamy at the very command of God. Subtle distinction there, I don't know if the common mind is capable of-- but really it didn't matter. They couldn't find any women to join them.

Sir Richard Arcos said...

Oh, he baptised the cats, never you worry...