Monday, October 22, 2007

Sunday Supplement: Falling Angels

Sir Richard Arcos again; Having completed anotherholiday, this time in Dubai, where an old school chum is getting rich off his oil wells, I decided to visit another church. This one called itself the 'United Church of Miracles,' and was advertising 'mirace evenings' every Sunday night at eight. Well, being a curious sort of cove I went along there, in this case with the honourable Sara Vaughan, one of my grandaughters, who is a qualified paramedic. We arrived in plenty of time, so I amused myself by throwing pins onto the seats two rows in fromt of us. Unfortunately my grandaughter noticed and I had to stop. I pointed out that this church promises helaing on demand, so it shouldn't really matter. She accused me of trying to grown old disgracefully. I pleaded guilty.

The Pastor entered to the sound of bongo drums, and I noticed Sara try very hard to keep a straight face. He was middle aged and respectable looking, although the donkey-jacket did not suit him. He held up his hands and asked everyone whether they were ready for a miracle, which brought forth the loudest cheer I've heard since I stopped attending bear-baiting. He closed his eyes and announced that there was someone in the audiemce with a bad foot. A man hobbled forward, and the pastor knelt to lay hands on it, telling the man that he would hear the foot heating up. The man screamed that he could and proceeded to run about the stage in ever-decreasing circles until he passed out cold.

This was the signal for pandemonium to break out. People started to charge the stage and the pastor blew on themj, making them fall down. Another person hurried on to the stage and the Pastor socked them on the jaw, telling them to receive their healing. This happened a few more times, while someone with a bad back declared the pain had gone and encouraged people to walk on his back. A man with a wooden leg declared that his leg had been healed before falling over after he removed his peg-leg and the stump refused to grow.
After a few more people began to fall over and convulse, Sara rushed the stage to try and help, assuming people were having fits. The 'pastor' knocked her out with a haymaker while telling her to 'receive the Holy Ghost.'
You should have seen the shiner she had the next morning.


green man fan said...

What are The Green Man's theological views on modern-day charismatic Christianity? Will we see a masked crimefighter in green speaking in tongues anytime soon?

Ms. L. Madison said...

Never heard any tongues, I'm afraid. Still, plenty of people end up slain when the Green Man gets to work.