Monday, February 09, 2009

Sunday Supplement: Not the End

Sir Richard Arcos writes: After an unavoidable absence due to the need to help one of my grandchildren recover some money lost to an unscrupulous speculator (which was recovered by the expedient of allowing Sparrowhawk to indulge in a little creative violence), I returned to my perigrinations around the churches. This Sunday saw me attending the Cathedral of the Church of the End Times, which is, somewhat unaccountably, situated in Treorchy.

The church noticeboard has no notices on it, only giving the church name and the times of the 'usual services'. At the door, I was greeted by a steward who was white-faced with excitement, at least, I presumed that was the reason for the face. He shook my hand and, when I mentioned speaking to someone after the srvice, he assured me that there might not be an 'after the service', as the Second Coming might happen before then. I jovially replied that in some churches one suspected that the preacher might, if allowed, preach on until doomsday. He gave me a dirty look, and I sat down.

Everyone was sat on the edge of their seats, and when the minister arrived, they were almost disappointed. He assured them that, although the world hadn't ended yet, he was pretty sure that he'd now corrected the error in his chart, and the world would end on Thursday.

We sange some hymns about the Second Coming, and then the minister unfolded a really long chart with symbols and dates on it. He spent about half an hour explaining how couurent events proved that the end was near, and confidently announced that he had identified the antichrist, who turned out to be the Mayor of Blaenavon. After which we sang another hymn, and had coffee, on the grounds that the world was not now going to end until Thursday, and one might get thirsty between now and then.

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