Sunday Supplement: The Return.

Sir Richard Arcos writes: Before my recent retirement, I was a minister in America for about thirty years, at a Church in California. I occasionally still get letters from people I met there, such as Daniel Trevelyan, the grandson of an old friend, who is now a Pastor in Carolina. He recently took an extended break in order to visit family, during which time he left his assistant, a man called Eric Strange, in charge. Apart from the odd e-mail from Mr. Strange (and some of them were very odd. Apparently Mr. Strange was 'changing the way we do worship.'

Well, Mr. Trevelyan returned from what he vulgarly refers to as a 'vacation' last week, and attended the chuch service as an ordinary member.

The loud musuc that was being played on guitars and drums could be heard from a couple of streets away. Entering the church, Pastor Trevelyan found a team of immodestly dressed 'dedicated dancers' cavorting around the platform. a couple of girls in tiny outfits were passing out drinks and laughing. Some more people were shouting, and the smell of insence hung heavy in the air.

Mr. Strange, dressed in purple, scarlet and gold robes, stepped out into the church wearing a turban. He raised his hands and declared: 'It's good for us to be here!' The people shouted and yelled some more, after doing some more dancing. A couple in front of him started petting worryingly.

After which the preacher announced that they were going to have an extended time of worship. The people shouted loudly, and the pastor pointed to the pulpit doors.

And moments later a golden calf was carried out into the sunlight and the wretched assistant pastor announced 'behold your god!'

Needless to say, Mr. Strange is now looking for another church and the people are still tasting powedered gold.