Our media correspondent, better known as Lady Sylvia Vaughan, notoriously vain socialite, recently broke into Broadcasting House, London. There she acquired a DVD carrying the Queen's Christmas speech. Have no fear, though, Green Man fans, the luscious Lady Sylvia has not become an anarchist, but was removing a DVD belonging to that mastermind of menace, that Napoleon of naughtiness, the Grey Tabby. His charming and evil accomplice, Purr-Girl, had switched the Queen's Christmas Message with a message from the felonious feline himself. And here it is:
"Greetings, citizens of Great Britain. You are doubtless wondering who I am and what this is. I am the Grey Tabby, and this is my Christmas message to the nation that scorns my favours. Next year will see my revenge being accomplished. You have been lucky so far, protected as you are by that consummate crime-fighter, the Green Man, and his lady accomplices. But you will not always be so fortunate. Even now, I am gathering a new force of criminals to oppose you - even as this country weakens herself. America will not save you this time - for she cannot save you from the terror within !"
After which the Meowing matermind laughed wickedly, and added that Monty Bristow had replaced the hymn-sheets at King's with new ones which included 'When Shepherds Washed their Socks by Night' and 'We Three Kings of Hamilton Square,' the latter reading:
`We Three kings of Hamilton Square
Selling undies at tuppence a pair,
They're fantastic, no elastic -
Hold onto your underwear.'
And lastly, 'a very happy Christmas to all of you at home!'