Coming Attractions

They will criss-cross the globe, from the misty mountains of Wales to the burning deserts of North Africa, in an adveture so great that neither could handle it alone.

The Green Man, the doom of evildoers and the terror of the wicked...

Joins forces with

The Girl in Grey, the world's cutest crime fighter...

To do battle with the forces of darkness...

It started with a call to a deserted chapel in Wales, a frightened lady worried for her husband. But it did not end there...

When Green Meets Grey

Going where the trail leads them, the Green Man and the Girl in Grey cross continents, from the steaming jungles of the Amazon to the glaciers of Greenland, in search of the master-criminal known as...

The Pharaoh!

His wicked plan: To turn all modern household conveniences into killer robots, subservient to his imperious will.

Between him and world domination, only two intrepid crime fighters, pledged to preserve and uphold the law. On his side, an army of mercenaries, household electrical equipment and electronic zombies. Can the Green man and the Girl in Grey prevent his evil plan, or must the world prepare for this villain's tyranny?

Find out in:

When Green Meets Grey!

Merlin's Revenge: Part Thirteen

Ms. Madison came to on the floor of a barren cell. Her ruined suit had been removed and replaced by a faded tee-shirt and jeans. She felt more pain at that than from her bruises. Groaning, she rolled onto her back, the room turning circles around her. She felt very, very ill.

"Awake, blondie?" she heard the mocking voice of Ygraine, close at hand.

"I think so," the blonde sighed, "but I'm reserving judgement 'til I see a mirror."

"You do that, blondie," Ygraine laughed. "Right now, you're a real mess - but that's not permanent. Not that it matters..."

"'Cause I'm going to die?" Ms. Madison managed a weak smile. "This time, I'm not going to argue."

By this time, Ms. Madison felt well enough to sit up. Her suspicion that she was wearing Ygraine's clothes were confirmed. Ygraine now wore emboidered robes, her har done in the old Roman style. She laughed again, looking the battered blonde in the eye.

"Right now you're coming with me, blonde girl," the brunette gestured imperiously to the two guards in the door.

Ms. Madison was picked up bodily and carried out of the building. There, in the square before the laboratories, company on company of Roman soldiers were formed up. In front of them, Professor Gawain was busily ranting at the men, promising them great wealth once he was king of England.

"You'll never get away with this," Ms. Madison declared spiritedly.

"You're wrong!" Professor Gawain yelled, turning purple. "I've raided the Caerwent depot, I've captured the Green Man's agent! Nothing can stop me!"

"Nothing, Professor?" the voice seemed to come out of no-where. A smile broke out on Ms. Madison's battered face, as she recognised the tones of the Green Man.

"Nothing!" the Professor cried. "If you even try to stop me, Green Man, then your lovely assistant dies!" At a gesture from the Professor, one of the men holding Ms. Madison drew his short sword.

"He wants to make himself king!" Ms. Madison called back. "My life isn't important!" She felt the dagger prick her throat.

The Green Man stepped from the woods, his hands held high. With a sinking feeling in her heart, Ms. Madison realised that they had failed. At that moment, 'Merlin' stepped onto the square. Ms. Madison heard the matter-transmitter power up. In a few short moments, Professor Gawain would be master of Britain.

Don't miss the thrilling conclusion of Merlin's Revenge!

Merlin's Revenge: Part Twelve

Ms. Madison smiled gently at the scene. Although the great library was becoming decidedly crowded, the gentlemen in question would be no match for the guards at Buckingham Palace.

"What are you thinking, blondie?" Ygraine glared at the neat blonde.

"That your father must be mad," Ms. Madison replied easily.

"You mean the soldiers are armed with swords and shields?" Ygraine grinned wickedly. "I suppose you think my father hasn't considered that?" She shook her head pityingly. "What you probably don't know is that there's a Ministry of Defence Depot at Caerwent, just a few miles away. My fathers men plan to materialise in, overpower the guards and steal a large amount of equipment. Then when we appear at Buckingham Palace, the men will be well armed. Besides, 'Merlin' is going to dematerialise the queen and her guards." She laughed.

"And you're going to watch the Caerwent job," Professor Gawain explained. "Right now, you're our hostage. If the Green Man knows we have you..."

Ms. Madison shook her head, still smiling. Moments later, Ygraine struck her on the jaw. The blonde's head jerked bak, blonde hair flying about her face. Before she could react, the girl had driven a small fist into Ms. Madison's tummy. The blonde folded up with a sigh. The girl brought up a knee into Ms. Madison's face. The Green Man's assistant tasted blood in her mouth. Pushed to the floor, she was kicked a couple of times. Her suit was split, and her face left bruised and bloodied.

As she lay on the floor, Ms. Madison saw the soldiers vanish, company by company. She assumed that there were enugh men to raise the Caerwent depot. After a few moments, one company re-appeared, bearing firearms. And rocket-launchers.

Ygraine kicked the blonde again, hard enough to draw a yelp of agony from her. A second kick sent the girl sprawling forward onto the ground. Her blood stained the carpet, and Ms. Madison groaned. Her chin was raised on one of Ygraine's battered trainers.

"Not so smart now, hey, blondie?" the girl shook her head. grinning down at the battered form of Ms. Madison. The blonde saw murder in the brunette's eyes.

"Yes," the girl's grin widened sadistically. "You're going to die, blondie. Once my father's seated on the British throne."

"At least I'll live long time," Ms. Madison smiled weakly.

The next time Ms. Madison got kicked, she lost consciousness.

Merlin's Revenge: Part Eleven

Professor Gawain wore a scarlet tunic and shoes. A golden diadem encircled his brow, and he wore a sword by his side. Ms. Madison just looked at the exotic figure, her eyes bulging.

"But... but," she stammered, "I saw you killed!"

"You saw someone killed," the Professor replied, smiling.

"And your daughter handled the identification," the blonde sighed.

"You got it, blondie," Ygraine smiled. "Professor Gawain is definitely dead. In fact, we switched my father for a prepared corpse using the matter-transmitter."

"Clever," Ms. Madison nodded, pretending to be impressed. "And I guess 'Merlin' was created using the same technology."

"Merlin is bach," the Professor explained. "Now, why don't we go somewhere more confortable?

"I'm not stopping you," Ms. Madison smiled.

"Shut up, blondie," Ygraine pushed her gun into Ms. Madison's tummy.

"You got bullied by pretty blondes as well, didn't you?" Ms. Madison cracked. She got walloped for her pains, and pushed into the room beyond.

A huge octagonal library, with a Roman statue in the middle, lay beyond. Ms. Madison sprawled onto the floor, hitting the unyielding marble with enough force to wind her. Looking over at the blonde, the villains smiled.

"Tomorrow," Professor Gawain declared, "I shall be king of England - King Arthur returned. I shall appear on the balcony of Buckingham Palace at the changing of the guard."

"And the Government will let you?" Ms. Madison laughed mockingly. "Do you really think so?"

"When the guard is changed for my guard," Gawain laughed, "they will have no choice. See, my guards!"

The doors opened, and a mass of large thugs in Roman armour trooped in. Again Professor Gawain began to laugh insanely, as more and more men began to march into the hall. Men dressed as Roman soldiers and later warriors continued to pour into the library.

"Nothing in the world can stop me now!" the Professor laughed.

Merlin's Revenge: Part Ten

"You know," Ygraine observed to Ms. Madison, as one of the security men led them towards the entrance to Carleon Research's Laboratories. "That last extract was really boring."

"I thought so, too," the blonde nodded, "but there had to be some sort of explanation and exposition at some point. Still, I think that's enough of that. Shall we go see the mad scientists?"

"My dear child," a grey-haired man stepped from the shadows with a suddenness that caused Ms. Madison to jump, "contrary to popular belief, most scientists are not shock-headed men in grubby white lab-coats." He leered at the well-dressed blonde.

"No," Ms. Madison nodded sagely. "Some of them are strange creepy men who leer at girls young enough to be their grand-daughters." She thrust out a hand. "Ms. Madison."

"Dr. John Stack," the man took Ms. Madison's gloved hand. It came off in his grip, leaving the two girls laughing. The scientist did not look best impressed.

"Very funny," he sighed. "Now, perhaps I can shatter your fondly-held illusions. I'll show you the matter-transmitter..." He led the two girls down a long, brightly-lit corridor, and through a big door at the end. They could hear the hum of a vast engine.

"It all sounds very complicated," Ms. Madison observed, smiling.

"Yes." The scientist replied with the vehemence of a man who had been scorned by all the pretty girls in school, and recognised in Ms. Madison one of his teen-aged tormentors grown up. "Now you will see what real science looks like." He led them into the room at the end of the corridor.

A vast spark generator was set in a pit, sending off random spurts of electricity. At once, Ms. Madison's hair began to stand on end.

And there, running round the machine and chuckling to himself, was a man with spectacles and a moustache.

"It works!" he cried with unconcealed glee. "It works! Full power, bach!"

His assistant, a harrassed-looking young man in a grubby lab coat, raised a lever on the machine, while the man by the machine continued to make adjustments.

Ms. Madison had to admit that Dr. Stack had a point. This man was bald and wore overalls.

"What is it?" he turned to the vistors, eyes burning.

"Two people want to see your matter transmitter, Professor Morgan," Stack explained.

"It looks very impressive," Ms. Madison approached cautiously. "Can it really transmit a person through space?"

"It will transmit a man who everyone thinks is dead to the balcony of Buckingham Palace," Dr Stack replied. "There to rule as Arthur, the once and future King."

Ms. Madison started violently. The three men began to laugh. Turning to Ygraine, the blonde found a revolver pointed at her tummy.

"Oh no," the brunette shook her head. "You're going no-where, girlie. No-where at all."

At that moment, Professor Gawain entered the room, also laughing.

Merlin's Revenge: Part Nine

Ms. Madison and Ygraine surveyed the ancient amphitheatre through the light drizzle. Dressed in a well-cut woolen overcoat that bushed her trim ankles, Ms. Madison stood with her hands in her pockets, just coutside one of the entances. Ygraine, by way of contrast, wore a black tee-shirt with a celtic motif, ripped jeans and trainers, a plastic mac worn open over it.

"Is this King Arthur's Round Table?" the blonde turned to the brunette.

"Some people think it was," Ygraine smiled. "You know, you're a strange girl. So well-dressed, you must have loads of experience, but you can be just like a tourist at times..."

"When it comes to Roman remains," the blonde confessed, "I am. But it's not Roman remains we're here to see. We're meeting the director of the Carleon Research Institute in a local pub after this. He might know who this 'Merlin' character is."

"Or he might be Merlin," Ygraine declared worryingly.

"Might be," Ms. Madison confessed. "But I guess that's a chance we have to take. Remember, the Carleon Research Institute is developing a process for transporting a person from one place to another. And Merlin vanishes without trace."

"So does your friend in green," Ygraine observed acidly.

Paid in Full: Part Two

Robert Conyers stood outside the shaggy, moss-covered ruin that was Castle Green House, Cardigan, in the deserted space within the walls of Cardigan Castle. He trembled, wondering just exactly what was going on.

Before he could turn to go, a throaty laugh began to echo round the deserted walls. Conyers turned grey, his courage ebbing away.

"Robert Conyers," the voice declared. "Five years ago, you were responsible for the death of a man whose only crime was that he handled the account of a company that experimented on animals. He was killed because he had a slight connection to the death and suffering of animals.

"You have a direct connection to the deaths of two people. Other people paid for those crimes, while you were able to get away with murder."

"You can't..." the man trembled, starting towards the castle gate.

"I haven't." The Green Man replied grimly. "You judged yourself five years ago."

As the terrified man ran to the gate, something heavy made contact with the back of his head. Darkness claimed him.

The next day, the body of Robert Conyers was found hanging from a tree inside the overgrown castle grounds. The general verdict was suicide. 'Remorse at having caused the deat of two people' the Press speculated. But the Green Man knows differently.

Paid in full

Decaying Castle Green House, Cardigan, is now in the process of being rescued by the local community. Left to slide into dereliction for many years, the regency villa inside the castle walls has long been overgrown. The Green is an overgrown wilderness, while trees have become almost jungle-like in their growth. High up on one of the trees, sharp eyes can still detect a few strands of frayed rope, all that remains of the strange fate of Robert Conyers. An animal rights activist, Conyers planned an attack on an investment banker who handled the account of a major research laboratory. The attack left the man dead, while his wife committed suicide a few months later, after receving constant hate-mail.

Conyers forgot about the incident and he prospered. Five years later, the man, by now a successful film producer, was called to Cardigan Castle by a starley with whom he was having an affair, in a letter on paper headed, 'Castle Green House Hotel,' bearing an engraving of the house. He was able to book a room, calling a Ceredigion number. When he arrived, however, he found a deserted, shaggy ruin. Looking around, he felt a stab of fear...

Merlin's Revenge: Part Eight

In the confined space of the crypt, the gunshot was almost deafening. The heavy bullet knocked the javelin aside, and it fell harmlessly to the ground. 'Merlin' cursed.

"No-one," the Green Man leapt down into the crypt, gun in hand, "tries to spear my secretary. Now, perhaps we can talk, Merlin?"

The armoured man rushed the Green Man. A couple of heavy blows from the Green Man's free hand sent him reeling. Merlin cursed some more.

"Perhaps we can talk like civilised human beings now." The Green Man chuckled, moving forward.

The robed figure began to fade from view, laughing. The Green Man only shook his head, as the armoured man began to fade as well. However, only the armoured man's head and arms vanished. His trunk fell, useless, to the ground. Ygraine turned to the wall with a sob of disgust.

"I know," Ms. Madison commiserated. "It can get a bit yucky."

"Ready to cut and run?" the Green Man asked the brunette.

"No," the girl was very firm. "That man, whoever he was, killed my father. I want to see him suffer for it."

"In that case," the Green Man spoke approvingly," you will accompany Ms. Madison to Caerleon in Monmouthshire."

"Tomorrow," Ms. Madison yawned. "I'm exhausted - I always get tired after being almost killed. What is it?"

"The Caerleon Research Laboratories," the Green Man explained. "One of my agents reports that they are working on a device to dematerialise human beings. And Caerleon is connected with King Arthur."

Merlin's Revenge: Part Seven

The two girls approached the ruins of Glastonbury Abbey, across a rollong greensward. While Ms. Madison made to head for the imposing remains of the crossing, Ygraine pulled on the blonde's arm, however, directing Ms. Madison to the still largely intact building at the West end of the Abbey church.

"The Lady Chapel," Ygraine explained.

"Weren't they normally at the other end?" Ms. Madison enquired earnestly.

"Sure," Ygraine nodded. "But a few were at the West. There's a surviving Lady Chapel at Durham, for example. They're called 'Galilee Chapels,' becuase they come before the holier place, like Galilee came before Jerusalem in the life of Jesus."

"I see," Ms. Madison nodded. "But why are we going there?"

"Because the chapel was built on the site of the old wicker church that was built by some of the earliest British Christians," Ugraine explained. "According to tradition, the church was built by Joseph of Arimathea. Certainly, the Church existed at the time of King Arthur. Some say King Arthur was buried here."

"But not our Merlin," Ms. Madison smiled gently, as they descended to the crypt below the Lady Chapel. While Ms. Madison's heels slid a little on the steps, the brunette's trainers remained firm.

"You dress well, don't you?" Ygraine took hold of Ms. Madison's arm.

"Always," the blonde confessed. "I get..."

Ms. Madison's voice trailed off as they entered the crypt. There stood an old man in long robes, with a long white beard. And, by his side, a man in armour, with a helmet that hid his face. He carried a javelin, which he slowly raised, pointing it at Ms. Madison. Lifting her hands to her red mouth, Ms. Madison screamed, as the javelin was thrown...

Merlin's Revenge: Part Six

Ygraine clung to Ms. Madison, trembling, as someone leapt from the platform to assist her impaled father. Checking the old man's pulse, he looked up and shook his head grimly. With a convulsive sob, Ygraine buried her face in the blonde's breast.

Ms. Madison patted her gently on the back, whispering words of comfort in her ear.

"We'll find this person, whoever he was," she told the brunette. "And then..."

"Make them suffer," Ygraine sniffed, eyes suddenly hard. "I want to see them die like my father - only more slowly and painfully."

"The Green Man can arrange that," Ms. Madison assured the distraught Miss Gawain. This drew a smile from the brunette.

"Great," the blonde laughed softly, "now, shall we get started?"

Ygraine nodded soberly, face set.

"And if it is Merlin?" a thought suddenly occured to her.

"Then I'll use my feminine charms to get the secret of how to trap him," Ms. Madison declared bravely.

Merlin's Revenge: Part Five

The next morning saw Ms. Madison waiting at the station, one little foot tapping on the platform as the train pulled into the station, creaking mightily. The doors opened with noises that indicated they needed oiling. Amid the outlandishly dressed people who got off the train, sticking out a mile, was an elderly man in tweeds. Ms. Madison approached him swiftly, thrusting out a welcoming hand. She had not got to him, however, when he was embraced by a scantily-clad brunette, with whom he went off. Ms. Madison blushed fiercely.

"Looking for Professor Gawain?" A perky female voice addressed the blonde secretary.

Turning, Ms. Madison saw a youngish brunette in shorts and a tee-shirt. She carried a briefcase and had a healthy tan.

"Yes," Ms. Madison coloured. "I guess you're Professor Gawain."

"Nope," the girl laughed, "Professor Gawain was the man in tweeds. I'm Ygraine, his daughter. And that was his seventh wife."

Ms. Madison laughed, shaking her head.

"I take it you know why your father was called for," she addressed the girl in the tee-shirt.

"Sure," she shook her head. "Shall we take a look at the abbey ruins where the stuff happened?"

"Okay," Ms. Madison shook her head, "then we have to have lunch in some nice pub where new-age types don't go."

"We can avoid my father, too," Ygraine smiled gently. "Do we walk or take a taxi?"

"I can still walk," Ms. Madison grinned.

Before the girls could go any further, the air was split by a terrifying scream. Professor Gawain staggered off the platform, a javelin sticking out of his chest. Running to where he stood, the girls were just in time to see an armoured figure fade from view. Then, louder than the station announcements, came a booming voice:

"Arthur Will Return!"

A tale from the files of the Green Man

Ruperra Castle, once the palatial home of the heir of the Lorsdship of Tredegar, now a gutted shell. Jameson Craig, gutter journalist, received a call to this gaunt ruin some years ago. He had been promised a story that would ruin a prominent politican. Stopping outside the south gate, the journalist hurried up the pitted drive. He almost twisted his ankle on the rutted drive several times. At last, however, he made his way down, past derelict stables and servants' quarters, to the grey walls of the castle.

Lighting a cigarette, he waited for his anonymous source. At last, he heard the creak of a door in the deserted servants' quarters. Finding a door left open, he stepped inside, his feet tapping on the bare, rotting boards. And footprints in the dust of the floor. Jameson followed them earnestly, until he came to a brick wall. He turned pale, seeing that the footprints passed beneath the wall. Behind him, someone laughed, deep and threatening.

"Worried, Mr. Craig?" A deep, sinister voice echoed through the empty buildings. "I thought you were fearless in the cause of truth? Or is that only when you're safe in your office?"

"Look!" the quaking journalist shouted, "I don't know who you are, but I came here to meet a source!"

"That will ruin a good man, I know." The voice declared, relish creeping into it. "I am the Green Man, and I know far more than you can possibly know. It was I who had that girl call you, I who planted those rumours about the politician in circles where I knew you would hear of them. You and only you."

"But... but why...?" the journalist shook, his pudgy jowls wobbling.

"Thalia Jones," the Green Man declared solemnly. "A young actress who made a single mistake. One mistake, and you splashed it all over the papers. You caused her to despair. She shut herself in a garage and turned on her car engine. You won an award for that story and a salary increase. Yet, when that girl's distraught parents came to you, asking for a little money to give their only child a proper funeral, you laughed in their faces and told them she should be buried in a sack like any alley-cat."

"The girl had sex with a guy in the Hilton Hotel, London," the journalist shot back. "There was another girl involved. The guy was married."

"And so is the young woman you used and discarded two years ago." The voice silenced the journalist butally. "You destroy lives for a living," the Green Man declared, "and you destroy them for your recreation. You will not do so again."

"You can't kill me!" the journalist yelled, "you..." As he turned to the door, it slammed shut.

"And now," the Green Man laughed. "You will meet your reward."

The journalist watched, horrified, as white smoke began to seep through the floor. He tasted the bitter taste of exhaust fumes.

"Yes," the Green Man laughed. "Exhaust fumes. You will die as Thalia Jones died. And your body will never be found..."

An archaeological dig did find the remains of the corrupt journalist. They are today exhibited in a museum as those of a ninth century monk.

There is no escape from the vengeance of the Green Man.

Merlin's Revenge: Part Four

Ms. Madison stopped on Glastonbay High Street and looked around her at the crowds who thronged the streets of King Arthur's Avalon. She felt decidedly out of place in her tailored suit, hat and heels. Most of the young women were untidy, wearing faded black tee-shirts, tattered blue jeans and trainers. Still, she reflected, the Green Man would look still more unusual.

She made her way to the Abbey gates, heels tapping an urgent beat on the pavement. The birds were singing, and the skies were blue. She would have whistled, if the situation hadn't been so serious. Some joker dressed as Merlin turning up impaling people...

She descended into the crypt of the Abbey's Lady Chapel, looking about her in wonder at the beautiful architecture.

"Well, Ms. Madison," the Green Man stepped out of the shadows. "Have you been here before?"

"I don't go in for old buildings," the beautiful blonde confessed. "Of course Mike - Mr Rake - would like me to take more of an interest in churches, or at least one church for long enough to get a plain gold ring and sign my name, but I keep explaining I'm not ready yet..."

"Be careful, my dear," the Green Man spoke softly. "No man waits for a woman forever, no matter how much he loves her."

"Yes," the girl nodded soberly. "Now, Merlin..."

"I checked the Abbey grounds before it opened," he explained. "There's no trace of any equipment that might have caused the disappearance. The office where the curator was murdered was locked from the inside - the key was left in the lock. And men do not kill themselves with javelins..."

Ms. Madison nodded.

"That would be silly," she agreed. "So the real question is, what actually happened on both occasions?"

"That is a good question." The Green Man nodded. "But the best question is: 'what does this man mean to do?'"

"And why the stuff about 'Arthur will return?'" Ms. Madison widened her eyes. "I know the legend that says he will return, but what would a villain have to do with it?"

"That's why we have to know more." The Green Man nodded. "We must draw the wicked out. Get them to act. That's why one of the greatest living authorities on King Arthur is arriving in town this evening."

Merlin's Revenge: Part Three

"It seems," the Green Man told Ms. Madison over the 'phone, "that your curator friend was found pinned to the wall with an ancient British Javelin. He just had time to write 'Merl' on the wall before he expired."

"Which would have been Merlin," Ms. Madison smiled, despite the nastiness of what had happened. "Hey, do you think I'm getting good at this detective bit?"

"So long as it's obvious," the Green Man chuckled. "You are to meet me at Glastonbury the day after tomorrow. Pack country clothing and be prepared to stay in a country pub."

"While you lurk in the nearest derelict building?" The blonde laughed happily. "Okay, I'll take my tweeds and that walking stick with the telescope."

"And bring a gun." The Green Man added. "Even if this Merlin is a ghost..."

"I'll pack my silver bullets," she shook her head.

Merlin's Revenge: Part Two

It would violate the promise made by Ms. Madison were she to be in the bath when the 'phone rings. So she will be taking it easy on the sofa instead, looking out over St James' Park, waiting for her long-suffering date, Michael Rake.

"Good evening," she tried her level best to sound efficient and business-like, "Ms. Madison, secretary to the Green Man. Can I help?"

"You won't have heard my name," a muffled voice came down the line.

"If you were speaking like that when you said it," Ms. Madison replied, "I'm not surprised. What's the matter?"

"Don't you want to know who I am?" the voice became louder.

"Since it's almost eight and I'm going out," the blonde sighed, "there might be a reason for that. Still, what's the problem, and how might the Green Man solve it? And how did you get this number?"

"It was given me by the Green Man," the voice replied. "I am Nicholas Crotch-Harvey, director of the King Arthur Centre at Glastonbury. A man was killed here earlier this evening by a man claiming to be Merlin."

"Lots of men," Ms. Madison shook her head, "claim to be famous dead people."

"I know," the director became more agitated, "but this one vanished in front of a large group of toruists - into thin air. And before then, he told them that King Arthur was returning. A guide tried to object, but got run through by a javelin."

"I didn't know Merlin carried weapons," Ms. Madison still viewed the whole thing as a wind-up. The name hadn't helped.

"He didn't, you dumb [we have deleted the word he used so as not to offend those of delicate sensibilities]!" The august director yelled, causing Ms. Madison to jump. "There was a man in armour with him, and he was armed! Something is happening down here, and whatever it is, it's..."

He was suddenly cut off. The only sound Ms. Madison could hear was someone chanting in pig-latin.

Merlin's Revenge: Part One

Glastonbury Abbey is renowned as the cradle of Christianity in England, and widely reputed to be the last resting place of King Arthur, being the mysterious Isle of Avalon (a few years ago someone made a good case for Whithorn in Scotland, but he was ignored). Whether or not the stories are true, false or simply exaggerated beyond all proportion, the stories have made this little town a veritable tourist trap. It is to the mighty ruins of Glastonbury Abbey that our story's opening takes us, and to a group of suckers - sorry, tourists. It is the last guided tour of the day, and the guide wants to go home.

"In 1191," the guide informed fascinated tourists, "the monks at Glastonbury Abbey are supposed to have found the grave of King Arthur. Before the Reformation, this was marked by a massive black marble tomb. More recently, it's been marked by a sign on a stick over there." He pointed, still very bored. In all probablity, he was reflecting, the monks had been in the same tourist-conning business as he was.

The tourists gasped in awe, and the guide followed their gaze. What he saw astonished him.

There, by the grave of King Arthur, was a figure in strange armout, three javelins by his side. As they watched, another figure, this one in dark, monkish robes, appeared, as if from thin air. Extending his hand, he levitated a silver ball.

"I am Merlin," he intoned solemnly. "The time is almost come."

The guide started forward, no longer bored.

"Hey!" he declared, "you can't perform 'ere without a ..." and he got no futher, thus removing the possibility of word confusion over license-licence. The figure in armour threw a javelin, which stuck him through the heart.

"Arthur will return!" 'Merlin' exclaimed, as he and the man in armour faded from view. The Javelin remained very much in the guide, however. Several people screamed, and all thoughts of jolly tourism were quite forgotten. From no-where, the voice was heard again:

"Arthur will return!"

Trail of the Disturber Part Eleven

"Monty Bristow's plan," the Green Man explained to Ms. Madison later, "was to create a standing religious experience on Mount Sinai. Tourists would go up, and come down convinced they'd seen Moses. However, he planned to give radically different messages each time. Soon, he believed, the world would be full of very small, very violent, religious cults. This would lead to a very vicious series of wars.

"But why?" Ms. Madison looked concerned.

"Some insane wish for revenge," the Green Man sighed. "It seemed that Bristow had - or has - a belief that the whole world has wronged him."

"Had or has..." Ms. Madison frowned. "I don't like the sound of that."

"Quite right," the Green Man nodded. "You see, Bristow's body was never found. He might have survived somehow. But that's for another day. Right now, if you want, you can go home tomorrow, or down to the Red Sea."

"I think I'll stay around a little longer, actually," the lovely blonde smiled. "One of the Bedouin girls has promised to teach me belly-dancing."

Trail of the Disturber Part ten

The Flying Spaghetti Monster stopped flying, and crashed to the ground, sizzling. Bristow cried out in rage, and stopped hovering.

"What have you done!" he cried, furious.

"Microwaves," the Green Man replied enigmatically. "I don't fully understand myself, but it worked. Bristow, your reign of terror is at an end."

"Oh, no," the supervillain laughed. "It's only just begun, Green Man! The Flying Spaghetti Monster may be no more, but I can make more of them. This is only the first round. Maybe the people will have to do without my ten commandments, but I assure you that I shall have my revenge on all humanity!"

"From six feet under?" the Green Man stepped forward, discarding his bedouin robes to reveal the familiar costume of the Green Man.

"Never!" Bristow duiscarded his beard and wig, drawing a sword from under his robes. "You will not live long enough!"

A host of men in camoflage rose up from the mountain, toting guns. The Green Man raised his own hand. Bedouin, the guardians of the mountain, drew their guns. Soon, the mountain was the site of a fierce gun battle. Try as they might, however, Bristow's men were clearly losing ground, falling back before the superior numbers (and camels) of the Bedouin. Out of the corner of his eye, the Green Man saw Bristow slip away.

"Watch that none escape!" the Green Man commanded, throwing Ms. Madison a fresh pistol. "I'm going after Bristow!"

The villain tried to escape down the pentitent steps, hewn out of the rock centuries ago by the monks of St. Catherine. Bounding down them like a mountain goat, apparently unencumbered by his flowing robes, it seemed possible that Bristow might escape. Looking behind him, he saw no sign of the Green Man. So, with a laugh of triumph, he turned to continue his progress.

"Looking for someone?"

Bristow could only gasp in horror. There, stood in front of him, was The Green Man, his trenchcoat blowing in the early morning breeze.

Lifting his sword, Bristow charged the Green Man. The terror of the wicked laughed, leaping aside at the last moment. With a scream of terror, the supervillain plunged off the mountain. The Green Man was left alone, waiting for Ms. Madison to join him.

Troublesome pets. 1: By Sir Richard Arcos

Samantha brought another dead thing in yesterday. I think she finished killing it in the drawing room. She left blood all over the show. I found a head under the breakfast table, which was a little distressing. There was a leg behind the curtain, which scared the housemaid.

All the more so as Samantha is better known as Lady Arcos, and the dead thing in question was a mafia boss.

Still, the dear girl is my pet, no matter how troublesome she may be.