When Green Meets Grey: Part Sixteen

The Girl in Grey came to slowly and painfully, the room taking a couple of turns as she opened her eyes. She shook her head in an attempt to clear it. The room just took another few sickening turns, until the Girl in Grey closed her eyes again.

"You are awake..." a deep and booming voice addressed her. "Why are you here?"

"I came to stop you," the Girl in Grey sighed, feeling dreadfully weak. She could sense that she was hanging by her hands from the ceiling. And that was not good.

"And now you are my prisoner..." the voice chuckled. "And your friend is dead."

That hit her hard. Somehow she'd assumed the Green Man couldn't possibly be dead, despite that hand grenade. Maybe she'd just bought the old story that the Green Man could not be killed. But now he was no more. And she'd never really known who he was. Never known anything about him, except that she loved him (and that he was a good kisser, too, but that didn't really count now). She felt a lump rise in her throat.

"Blown to pieces," another voice replied, laughing. "Only a few scarps of green cloth and bits of bone."

"Stop it!" the Girl in Grey opened her eyes, anger blazing in her heart. "You killed a hero, and if I get free..."

"You'll make me pay?" the deep voice was that of the man who had been on the throne. Now dressed in less formal, but still grand robes, this man was clearly Pharaoh, the master-mind of the operation. "I know, little girl. And that's why I'm going to kill you." An unpleasant smile spread over his face.

"Without telling me your evil plan for world domination?" the Girl in Grey sighed. "You know, the super-villain's union 'll be mad."

"Which is why I'll have to tell you," the Egyptian-themed super-villian shook his head. "But I shall break the by-law relating to my locking you in a cell which you can escape from, or at least trying to put you to death in a needlessly complicated way from which you can escape. I'll just have you shot."

"Nice," the Girl in Grey smiled. "So, what do the deranged dishwashers and violent vacums have to do with your plan?"

"Everything!" the Villian laughed, "tell me, wench, what does every home possess?"

"A door," she smiled sweetly.

"A vacum cleaner!" the villain snarled.

"Mine might," the Girl in Grey replied, "but I can't find it right now. I think my sister's buried it under a pile of rubbish. But I get your point. These things are going to kill lots of people."

"Unless the Governments of the world pay me a great deal of money, " the Villain chuckled.

"So extortion is your game," the Girl in Grey shook her head.

"You might almost say my business," Pharaoh grinned.

"I can't," the Girl in Grey pointed out. "That's a line from a James Bond film. It's probably copyright or something."

"Anyhow," the villain motioned to his goons, "now you know. Goons, kill her."

Two shots were fired, and the Girl in Grey closed her eyes, wincing in expectation of the pain. When she didn't die, the opened her eyes again. The two men who had meant to slay her lay dead at Pharaoh's feet, neat holes in the middle of their foreheads.

"You miscalculated, Pharaoh," a familiar voice came from behind the Girl in Grey.

"Green Man!" the two figures spoke at once, as the Green Man stepped into the room, still holding his guns. His coat was perfectly neat, leading the Girl in Grey to conclude that he'd changed at some point.

"I saw you die!" Pharaoh shouted, starting forward. "You can't be!"

A shot from the Green Man's revolver shattered the villain's wrist.

"Believe it." The Green Man's voice was brutal, as his next shot severed the cords that bound the Girl in Grey to the ceiling. "Your base's reactor is timed to blow in ten minutes, and my friend and I are getting out of here. You can come too if you want to face justice."

The way that the villain muched on his cyanide capsule suggested that he didn't fancy that option. The alarm sounded, and soon the two crimefighters were battling their way past legions of guards. Once it became obvious that the pyramid was doomed, however, the guards turned and fled. Outside, as the night fell, the Bedouin were waiting outside to take the remaining bad guys into custody, as the Pyramid dissolved into a pillar of fire.


The Girl in Gry followed the Green Man back to the hypersonic jet, full of unanswered questions.

"Say," she asked him, as they took off, "what exactly did happen when that Grenade fell?"

"I jumped clear," the Green Man explained, "onto a convenient ledge. The remains they found were a length of coat fabric I keep for such occasions, and parts of one of their own men. Any other questions?"

"Just one," the Girl in Grey chuckled.

"Yes, my dear?" the Green Man set a course for London.

"Could you kiss me again?"

Next Time: The Secret Order of Doom!

When Green Meets Grey: Part Fifteen

The Girl in Grey drew back, further into the shadows. But it was not because of fear. From the looks the two goons were giving her, it was clear that they hadn't yet seen the Green Man. And if that could be maintained.... The men moved further forward.

"I said stop!" one of the bed guys coked his gun. "Understand, little lady?"

"Naturally," the Girl in Grey laughed, stopping dead, a dangerous smile on her face. While it might give the game away, such action might even bring them closer. When they stepped towards her, she feigned a shudder of fear.

The man started laughing, his fellow joining in. This was cut off when the Green Man brought their heads together with devastating force. They crumpled to the ground in a very satisfying manner. The Girl in Grey smiled, placing a foot on one man's head.

"Well done, my dear Girl in Grey." The Green Man stepped out of the shadows, drawing his pistol. The lights gleamed on its polished metal.

"Where are they?" the figure on the throne called up to the gallery.

"Up here, Pharaoh!" the Green Man called back. "Remember us from that chapel in Wales?"

"The Green Man!" the figure on the throne shot to his feet. "Kill them, my creatures!"

At once, the household appliances, together with the villain's mercenaries rushed the gallery, firing shots up at the two crime fighters. The Girl in Grey leapt back, but the Green Man stayed there, firing his pistol down at the furious mass.

It was a magnificent sight, one man in green trenchcoat and broad brimmed hat, a scarf wound over the lower part of his face, dealing out death-instant justice- to the wicked, blazing away with a gleaming silver pistol. Men fell as they tried to get to the gallery steps. That was when the vacum cleaners piled in. The Green Man drew a second gun - the microwave gun - from under his coat to deal with them.

"You cannot evade justice, Pharaoh!" the Green Man called above the noise. "Crime does not pay!"

And the Girl in Grey dealt with the men trying to get to them the back way, swinging into action with great gusto. She was good, and the Green Man was even better. Perhaps, she thought to herself, they might be able to actually stop this whole affair without having the bad guy take one of the good guys prisoner and explain his evil plan in excruciating detail. After all, how necessary was it - really? Perhaps it helped if someone tried to do it again, but if the bad guy really died, then who needed to know?

Then she saw it, out of the corner of her eye. A hand grenade clattered along the metal of the gallery floor, rolling towards the implacable form of the Green Man. She turned to warn him, but it was too late.

The heat of the blast scorched her costume, sending her flying back against the wall of the chamber. She didn't even see the effect of the explosion on the Green Man.

"No!" she screamed in horror.

Then someone slugged her on the jaw and her whole world exploded into stars.

Don't miss the thrilling conclusion of: When Green Meets Grey - in this theatre soon!

When Green Meets Grey: Part Fourteen

The Girl in Grey looked up at the massive pyramids as they loomed out of the gloom of dawn. She sighed in wonder at the massive structures.

"Impressive, aren't they?" the Green Man asked, walking alongside her. "You know, we'd have trouble building them today."

"Amazing..." the Girl in Grey shook her head. "How'd they do it?"

"Lots and lots of Egyptian peasant famers on their off days," the Green Man chuckled. "But it seems like someone's decided to turn this one into a fortress of evil."

"How do we get in?" the Girl in Grey cast a critical eye over the mighty structure.

"There's always a weak point," the Green Man told her confidently. "Remember, the pyramids at Giza were all robbed."

"I can't remember that," the Grey girl replied, "I never knew it. They never taught me it."


By this time, they had reached the foot of the pyramid, and the sun was in the sky (mostly because of the fact that we have a picture of a lone pyramid). The Green Man looked at it and seemed less impressed by the massive structure than the Girl in Grey.

"There's a ventilator close to us," the Green Man explained, pointing to what looked like a sand dune. "We'll climb down that way. Unless, of course," he turned to the Girl in Grey, "you have a problem with confined spaces."

"None at all," the Girl in Grey laughed. "You should see some of the places I used to live when I was a student."

"Ms. Madison said the same thing the first time she had to climb down a ventilation shaft," the Green Man chuckled. "Is student accomodation really that bad?"

"Yes," the Girl in Grey knelt by the sand dune. Lifting what turned out to be the corner of a square of lino, she revealed a grille. Some quick work with tools from her utility belt dealt with the grille, and soon the crime-fighting pair were descending a duct, into the bowels of the pyramid complex.

The shaft was dark and constricted, the humm of machinery ever-present. As they descended further into the bowels of the earth, voices could be heard a long way off. At last, the duo left the duct and descended onto an empty balcony. Below them, a man seated on a throne was reviewing troops. Only the troops were domestic appliances, thousands on thousands of them. The Girl in Grey gasped in shock.

"All right, girlie!" Two men stepped out of the shadows, brandishing guns.

When Green Meets Grey: Part Thirteen

The bedouin spurred on their horses and camels, as the battle at the monastery hotted up. The Green Man rode ahead, drawing his long-barrelled revolver. He fired at one of the camoflaged men attacking the monastery. Despite the man having been at the very limit of his range, the man fell dead. A cheer went up from the gathered bedouin, as they fell upon the hapless goons. Being goons, they fell easily, killing a couple of bedouin and wounding a few more. The machine gunner tried to attack them , only to be felled by another shot from the Green Man. The Girl in Grey gave a whoop of joy as the few remaining mercenaries turned tail and ran. The Bedouin rode in pursuit, but the Green Man rode up to the great gate of the monastery, which was slowly opening.

"Green Man!" a man dressed all in black, with a

black skull-cap embroidered with gold braid crosses, stepped out, smiling. "You have come at last!"

"Abbot Girgis," the Green Man dismounted. "It's good to see you, too. Did you get my message?"

"But of course," the Abbot laughed. "Why else would wicked men attack our haven? Now, who is your charming friend?" He looked up at the Girl in Grey.

"This," the Green Man explained, "is The Girl in Grey, a very dear friend of mine. She's helping me with this case."

"And the lovely Sister Lynette?" the Abbot smiled, his voice soft and a little harsh.

"Is on holiday," the Green Man informed him. "So I needed some different help. Besides, the Girl in Grey and I are both pledged to fight crime anonymously, not revealing our identities."

"I understand all about the wish to chage names when engaged in the battle against the darkness," the venerable abbot chuckled. "Once, I was a priest in Cairo, and there, as Saaman Bey, I was the masked avenger of evil. But now I am retired to this monastery, to serve the Lord in a new way - and to lead the bedouin in a war against the drug importers who use this desert. That," he turned to the Girl in Grey, "is why I ma so keen to help the Green Man when he tells me about a hidden pyramid which is now the seat of Satan. We shall gave you a squad of crack troops to help."

"Thank you, father Abbot," the Green Man bowed, "but we cannot accept your generous offer. We go in alone -tonight."

When Green Meets Grey: Part Twelve

The party crossed a sea of shifting sand-dunes, the camels gently swaying as they walked over the apparently featureless desert. Above them, the sky was azure blue, below, the desert sands shimmered in the heat. The Girl in Grey raised a hand to her forehead. The glove came away soaked in perspiration. She found the motion of the camel uncomfortable, indeed, now she could see why the beast was referred to as 'The Ship of the Desert'. It was like a sea-crossing, only without water, and on a ship with a serious body-odour problem.

Looking across at the Green Man, she saw him seated cross-legged on his camel, reins held idly in one hand, as he surveyed the desert with binoculars. Even if she'd kissed him, she didn't understand this strangle figure in green. Sometimes he seemed just another man, but at other times...

And he could ride a camel without discomfort. As the camel made to climb a sand-dune, the Girl in Grey slid back on the saddle, only being stopped by the horns at the back. She was sure she'd be lack and blue for months, and be eating her meals of the mantlepiece for at least a week.

"The Bedouin say that there's an old pyramid a few miles ahead of us!" the Green Man called over to his confederate in crimefighting.

"Goody!" she called back," and what about the next Oasis?"

"None for miles more!" the Green Man replied, still scanning the horizon. "But that doesn't matter!"

"Not to you!" the Girl in Grey called back, "but I'm melting here! I could do with a good drink!"

"And drink you shall have!" the Green Man laughed. "Maybe there's no Oasis for miles, but there is a monastery!" He pointed towards a rugged collection of domes and sloping walls, a little way ahead of them. The same colour as the desert, it was almost invisible.

"Hang on a minute," the Girl in Grey looked confused. "But isn't Egypt a Muslim country?"

"Before even Mohammed was born," the Green Man explained, "there were Christians in Egypt. In fact, Egypt has its own national church, the Coptic Church. As well as having churches throughout Egypt, they have monks and monasteries. Some of them are in very far-away places, like this one. But Abbot Girgis is an old friend of mine. These Bedouin," he gestured to the men around them, "are monastery servants."

"They look fierce," the Girl in Grel sounded impressed.

"They should," the Green Man nodded, "they are sworn to defend the monks to the last man. We shall stay at the monastery, and tomorrow, we shall..."

The Green Man was cut off by the sound of rifle shots. At once, he spurred his camel forward.

"And perhaps now the Bedouin will have to act on that vow!" he exclaimed. "Come on!"

From the direction of the monastery, a machine-gun opened up.

When Green Meets Grey: Part Eleven

The supersonic jet flew low over the desert, just as dawn was breaking over Egypt. The Girl in Grey admired the scenery, while the Green Man was busy selecting a suitable landing ground.

"You know," the Green Man observed, "the ancient Egyptians believed that the sun was reborn every dawn, out of the Sky Goddess."

"I think we did that at school," the Girl in Grey nodded, "but it left me a bit confused."

"That," the Green Man replied, "is because you have to be over eighteen to know the whole nasty mess."

"Oh, brother," the Girl in Grey sighed. "X-rated religion. Shall we land?"

"Of course," the Green Man guided the silver 'plane into is descent pattern. In no time at all, chiefly because the author has no idea how to land a 'plane, the intrepid duo stood on the rock and sand of the Western Desert.

"And how," the Girl in Grey looked about her at nothing but miles and miles of sand and rocks," do we get anywhere, or is this your excuse to pretend to be Valentino? Not," she sighed romantically, smiling, "that I'd mind that one bit."

"We just arrived a bit early for the camels," the Green Man confessed. "Why don't you get in a cople of hours of sleep, before we have to search for this hidden pyramid?

"Because you're treating me like a girl?" the young lady in question shook her head.

"Well," the Green Man laughed. "You do happen to be one, my dear. Besides, there's no known way of sleeping on a camel."

When Green Meets Grey: Part Ten

The Green Man and the Girl in Grey ducked behind the heavy steel door, as hot lead tore into it. The Girl in Grey scowled, as the bullets thundered against the door. The wicked could be so cliché-ridden, she reflected. While she flattened herself against the door, the Green Man checked his revolver and re-filled it.

"Still cool as a cucumber, huh?" the Girl in Grey shook her head, "I don't know how you do it?"

"Either we die or we live, my dear," the Green Man laughed. "So why worry?"

"I can't see things that way," the Girl in Grey scowled. "I have several cats and a sister to look after - and believe me, Scruff needs looking after."

"As Ms. Madison has told me enough times," the Green Man chuckled. "Now, get ready to shout the old war-cry. We're going to make trouble." He pulled a couple of smoke grenades from his utility belt.

"Will do," the Girl in Grey drew one from her own belt, while unhooking her whip from the other side of it.

"Excellent," the Green Man laughed. "Shall we wallop the wicked?" He threw his smoke-grenades into the midst of the mobsters. The Girl in Grey followed up a few moments later.

As soon as the smoke was thick enough, the two crimefighters leapt over the stair rails. The Green Man fired repeated shots into the milling mass, while the Girl in Grey sprinted in for closer-quarters fighting. Her whip cracked, tearing guns from the hands of the wicked, while her boots sent men flying hither and yon.

The Green Man knocked a couple of men out with his heavy fists, crumpling a man's hat and tearing a man's suit. Soon, the runway was strewn with the forms of fallen mobsters. The duo tied them off and left for the 'plane. Soon, they were speeding away from the factory, as it exploded, showering the jungle with a great deal of burning debris, and probably causing untold damage to the environment.

"Well, now that we've had the pretty fireworks," the Girl in Grey laughed, "what's next on the magical mystery tour?"

"Egypt," the Green Man told her. "The Western Desert."

"Another factory?" the Girl in Grey tilted her head.

"A pyramid," the Green Man told her. "The secret headquarters of the villain behind all this. I found the plan of the place among the documents in the safe."

When Green Meets Grey: Part Nine

"Well, look at that!" the Girl in Grey looked down on the massive factory which loomed out of the rainforest. The Green Man's jet hovered just a little way away from the factory, apparently undetected.
"This thing has a radar blocker," the Green Man told her, having read her part of the script as well. "But we need to take a closer look."

"Easy for you to say," his companion observed, smiling. "Green blends in nicely in the jungle."

The jet descended vertically, demonstrating yet another remarkable ability. As it did so, the Green Man directed the Girl in Grey towards the equipment locker at the rear of the cabin. Among the weapons, scanners and bombs were a couple of adjustable belts with numerous devices attached.

"Great," the Girl in Grey laughed, "we've got utility belts!"

"You're the one with the Batman fixation," the Green Man chuckled. "But Ms. Madison decided to have them put together, just in case we needed an easy way of carrying gadgets."

The cabin door opened, and the two intrepid crime-fighters stepped out. The Green Man drew his gun, while the Girl in Grey uncoiled her whip from her belt. They were tensed, ready for the wicked.

"We make for the offices," the Green Man told the Girl in Grey. "The records we need should be stored there. Keep to the jungle as much as you can. That way there's every chance we won't be seen."


As they spoke, however, the factory burst into flames. The fire spread swiftly, obliterating a huge part of the factory in a single explosion. The Girl in Grey started in surprise, while the Green Man drew his gun.

"What?" the Girl in Grey looked at the skyward-shooting flames.

"I was right," the Green Man shook his head. "The trail did lead back here. Now, we have to get to the offices, before the fire destroys them!"

The two crime-fighters ran out of the jungle, towards the factory, across the great runway where two helicopters stood, their motors idle. There were two guards, and they tried to stop the duo, but the Green Man shot them down. Soon, the two were on the office steps, with the fire still several hundred yards from the office. They mounted the stairs at a run. The guard at the top of the stairs was so surprised that he had no time to act before a jarring high-kick from the Girl in Grey laid him out.

"Good work," the Green Man kicked in the door. "Now, keep an eye out for the safe."

They moved into a small, intimate space. Although the safe was hidden, it was soon discovered. The act of cracking it took only seconds. Plans of a new factory were among the documents that the Green Man slipped into his coat. It was only five minutes later that the Green Man and the Girl in Grey stepped outside.

There they found a crowd of armed gunmen. As the duo stepped out, they raised their machine guns.

"Kill them!" someone cried out.

The men stepped forward and pulled the triggers of their guns. In an instant, the air was filled with hot lead.

When Green Meets Grey: Part Eight

The Girl in Grey looked down at the great city below, then down at her watch. She shook her head.

"You know," she declared, "I think my tummy's still somewhere over the Atlantic."

"Along with the villains, kmy dear," the Green Man replied, as he expertly manipulated the controls. "They'll have had to stop for fuel at least twice."

"While this thing flies so fast it wouldn't have been able to stop for a little thing like an island." The Girl in Grey shook her head in wonder. "I wonder what the illustration will be?"

"Knowing my agent," the Green Man chuckled, "the item in question will be something from the film Flying Down to Rio."

"Corny," the Girl in Grey sighed. "Can we land, or does this thing hover?"

"This thing hovers," the Green Man replied.

"Forget I asked." the Girl in Grey shook her head. "Where are we going?"

"Not to the city by the Sugarloaf," the Green Man let in the throttle. "Our goal is a little vacum cleaner factory up the Amazon. It supplies cleaners for export. And the machine from Carmarthen County Hall was made there less than three months ago. It was bought as part of a massive special offer the new owners of this factory offered all of Carmarthen."

"The plot thickens," the Girl in Grey smiled.

"Like day-old custard," the Green Man concurred, as he turned the supersonic jet towards the rainforest (which, our continuity supervisor reliably informs us, is what they call the jungle these days. Suffice it to say, the man in question was fired). "Now, even if this isn't the goal of the villains, we might be able to find where the killer household gadgets have gone."

When Green Meets Grey: Part Seven

The girl in Grey looked out at the Welsh countryside as it flashed by, then at the Green Man, who was bent over the wheel. Masked once more, she could not tell whether he was smiling (her mask had slipped a bit).
"A...about last night," she spoke at last.

"Last night was a nice time," the Green Man smiled. "The food was lovely, and so were you." But now the day has dawned, and we're back on the trail of the villains."

"And that's all there is to it?" the Girl in Grey looked disappointed.

"That," the Green Man sighed, "is not what I said. And no, I haven't received a call from Ms. Madison, before you ask." There was a note of banter in his voice. "It's that I received a new lead on this villain. The radar stations picked up the helicopter landing close to Barry. Apparently the vilains took a private jet from Cardiff Airport and are headed for South America."

"And what do we do?" the Girl in Grey smiled.

"Easily," the Green Man headed down towards the airport. "We get to Rio ahead of them."

"How?" the Girl in Grey looked alarmed. "If they took off first?"

"Ever flown at four times the speed of sound?" the Green Man laughed, drving through a staff gate onto the runway.

There, gleaming and beautiful, was a huge silvery jet, shaped like a rapier. The Green Man laughed again.

When Green Meets Grey: Part Six

The Girl in Grey adopted a fighting stance, despite the fact that she was facing an inanimate foe. She dodged its flew, which was fishing for her neck, landing a blow on the thing's plastic casing. Although the thing cracked, it had no discernable effect.

"I've got a little problem here!" she spoke into her wrist-watch radio. "Believe it or not, I'm being attacked by a pyschotic hoover!"

There was no reply. Before the Girl in Grey could complain, however, a skylight shattered, as the Green Man dropped through it. In his hand, he held a strangely-shaped gun. Fired at the vacum cleaner, it quickly reduced it to a lump of melted plastic.

"Microwave gun," the Green Man informed her. "It made quite a mess of Monty Bristow's monster on Mount Sinai. And it works on animated machines as well."

"How...?" the girl in Grey regarded the melted vacum cleaner incredulously.

"I'll tell you over supper," the Green Man told her.

"And where," the Girl in Grey asked, "are we going to eat?"

"Come with me and I'll show you," the Green Man held out a hand.

Moments later, the two crime-fighters were sat on a tartan rug by the lake of the National Botanic Garden of Wales, the scene illuminated by the moon and the great glasshouse. Champagne glasses touched, as they unpacked the picnic before them. The Girl in Grey wore her mask and cowl with a floaty gown, while the Green Man wore his usual costume.

"The blackmailer threatened that the population of Carmarthen would be killed," the Green Man confirmed. "But we didn't know how he meant to do it. Now we know that those people would have been killed by their own domestic appliances."

"No wonder they paid up," the Girl in Grey sighed.

"In one, my dear," the Green Man smiled. "And Carmarthenshire paid up. That must have enboldened the villains. And there's no guarantee that the next target 'll pay up."

"We have to stop them," the Girl in Grey looked annoyed.

"And that starts tomorrow, my dear." The Green man smiled down at the Girl in Grey. "After all, right now we haven't any clues to pursue."

"And I've got a better idea, anyhow," the Girl in Grey smiled, reaching for the chin of her cowl. Moments later, she had pulled off the mask and cowl, and was looking appealingly at her companion. "Can you guess what it is?" She openied her mouth slightly, still smiling cutely.

"Indeed, my dear," the Green Man removed his own mask. "But no comments about my face."

"Why speak?" the Girl in Grey leaned forward, yes closing. "I've always said that actions speak louder than..."

She did not complete the sentence, for at that moment the Green Man's lips met hers.

When Green Meets Grey: Part Five

Night had fallen over Carmarthen by the time the Girl in Grey slipped through an upper window, landing lightly on her feet. Inside, she spoke hurriedly into a small radio on her wrist.


"I'm in," she told the Green Man. "Tell me where to go."

"Wait a moment," the Green Man's voice dropped to a whisper. "I need to have another look at the plans." Paper rustled.

"You mean you don't have it on computer, like in the movies?" the Girl in Grey looked annoyed with things.

"Ms. Madison does the computers, my dear," the Green Man drawled urbanely. "I'm afraid you'll have to bear with the low tech. Move to the left."

The Girl in Grey did just that. She walked into a door.

"There's a door here," she told the Green Man, pulling open a fire door that had been added since Carmarthen County Hall was first built.
.
"Not on my plan there's not," the Green Man pointed out. "Third door on the right."

The Girl in Grey moved through the building with the grace and stealth of a cat, only flicking on her torch now and again to make sure the Green Man's plan was reliable. She had no desire to walk into another door. Then she saw the flash of a light through a security window in another firedoor. At once, she flattened herself against the wall, catching her breath. She got ready to thump the man in he noticed her. The torch beam did not catch her, however, and the man moved on. Safe again, the Girl in Grey moved forward, slipping through the door in question.

"There should be a safe in there somewhere," the Green Man declared.

"Or was in the 1950s," the Girl in Grey scowled, turning on her torch. "Where are we dining tonight?"

"That depends on what you find," the Green Man chuckled. "We could be speeding towards somewhere else if you get caught."

"I," the girl in Grey replied, "don't..." her voice trailed off, as she realised there was someone, or something in the room with her. Swinging her torch around, she saw it.

And it was a vacuum cleaner. Although not plugged into the wall, its flex and other parts were waving menacingly, as it moved towards her, cutting her off from the door. The Girl in Grey flattened herself against the wall, as the thing moved towards her, its lights glowing wickedly. She could not help screaming.

When Green Meets Grey: Part Four

The thugs had no sense of aim, and managed first to hit the chapel, breaking several windows. Then they fired too low, causing ricochets. In this time, the Green Man and the girl in Grey dropped behind the comfortingly solid granite and marble of the graves. A few of these were chipped, but the two crime fighters remained uninjured.

"How do we get out?" the Girl in Grey hissed, as a stone chip flew past her head. "You don't have Merlin's matter transporter, do you?"

"That," the Green Man observed urbanely, "would be cheating." He removed an egg-shaped object from beneath his coat. "This, on the other hand..."

He threw the object. There was a very large explosion, and the shooting stopped. The Green Man and the girl in Grey rose cautiously from behind the gravestones. The armed thugs were scattered about like the broken dolls of popular cliche. But the leader stood a way off with a black briefcase.

"Carmarthenshire Council was smart!" he called out, "unlike you!"

So saying, the exotic figure stepped into a waiting helicopter and flew off.

"That," the girl in Grey observed, watching the man leave, "was some villain. I take it we follow him?"

No," The Green man smiled. "We find out who he is. And then we speak to someone at Carmarthenshire Council."

After some heavy torture involving several gallons of water and a cream horn, one of the surprised thugs was finally induced to talk. He revealed that all of them had been hired in a damp and dingy bar in Swansea. After more torture, he revealed that the bar had been called 'The Dolphin's Arms'. After the Girl in Grey observed (correctly) that Dolphins have no arms, the men were left tied up for the congregation to find on Sunday, or for the wildlife to eat (or for the congregation to eat, if the mood took them). And our two intrepid adventurers headed down the Towy valley to the town of Carmarthen, once the Royal Seat of English Power in Wales, and now a very human town. Their target: the Council buildings, sited within the walls of the ancient castle.

The Green Man's agent attempted to gain entry, only to be rebuffed, so the Green Man resolved that the building had to be burgled. This seemed to cheer everyone up, so they went for a meal in a restaurant a long way from anywhere at all.

When Green Meets Grey: Part Three

The mist hung heavy about the remote Capel Nebo, as the Green Man and the girl in Grey approached. They had travelled in the Green Man's Rolls-Royce (which was painted green, of course), which was parked off the road, but travelled the last couple of miles on foot. As was only right, for otherwise the agents of the blackmailer might have heard the engine. They trod carefully, keeping an ear out for any sign of suspicious activity. With the weather the way it was, it was probable that they'd hear any trouble before seeing it.

"Well," the girl in Grey whispered, "the pay-off should arrive in about half an hour. What do we do till then?"
"We try to find the blackmailer or his agents," the Green Man replied softly. "If the blackmailer's on hand, we could end this now. But if he's only sent agents, we have to track them. Remember, we don't know exactly how this man's planning to kill everyone in Carmarthen."

"Man?" the girl in Grey smiled. "How can you be sure?" There are female super-villains, too, you know."

"But I'm a gentleman," the Green Man replied gallantly. "Ms. Madison has to knock out the girls."

"But now you've got me," the Girl in Grey laughed, "and I can do that, too."

"Of course," the Green man laughed softly. "Now, we need to be quiet, or someone might hear." By this time, they were close to the stone wall which encircled the chapel graveyard.

"Split up," the Green Man whispered. "Stay low, and use the gravestones for cover." He sprang over the wall. The Girl in Grey followed close behind.

While the Green Man went to the right, the Girl in Grey headed to the left, keeping low behind the gravestones. Some dull, others shining black marble, they spoke of the life and death of a tiny community. But the Girl in Grey did not have time to read the inscriptions, no matter how pious the sentiments expressed. She was too busy looking out for the people detailed to pick up the money. At last, she saw a figure who was clearly not the Green Man standing by the chapel walls. She stealthily made her way towards him, careful to keep low. Indeed, she was almsot upon him when she became aware of a presence behind her.

Turning, she saw three large men who looked decidedly unfriendly.

"Uh-oh," she sighed, "gorrilas in the mist."

"The lead man only smiled, as he drew a long-barrelled revolver from his coat.

"So, someone decided to take a hand..." he bared his teeth viciously. "Pharaoh doesn't like people who poke their noses into his business. "Especially not girls in grey." He cocked the gun.

And that was as far as he got. A blow from a cane in the hands of the Green Man sent the pistol flying across the graveyard. Before any of the men could react, a blow from the Green Man's fist had sent another of the men flying over a gravestone. He hit his head on a particularly unyielding piece of marble and did not rise.

A high-kick from the girl in Grey sent the third man stumbling back into a freshly dug grave. The two remaining men stood no chance. The man who had drawn the gun was thrown over the wall, while the man by the chapel, having entered the contest too late, found himself pinned to the wall of the chapel by the Green Man.

"And now," the Green Man told him soberly, "you're going to tell me anything I want to hear. Who are you working for?"

The man's eyes suddenly widened, as he looked beyond the Green Man and the girl in Grey.

"Him!" he pointed. There, on the barren hillside, stood a man in Bedouin dress. And around him, although at a distance, were twelve men, all armed with assault rifles.

"Kill them!" the figure declared imeriously.

Before either the Green Man or the Girl in Grey could react, the men opened fire.

When Green Meets Grey: Part Two

Before the Green Man drew his gun, the figure on the floor got unsteadily to her feet. Slight, and dressed in a form-fitting grey suit with cat's ears, whiskers and a tail, she was quite a sight.

"The girl in Grey, as I live and breathe." The Green Man rose slowly to his feet, smiling with amusement.

"Whoops," she laughed. "Wrong chapel. I was looking for..."

"A blackmailer," the Green Man smiled. "I know. I'm after him, too. How did you get to know?"

"I was rescuing Sir Richard Arcos from the pantry at Plas Llangarmon, and I happened to hear about it." She smiled sweetly. "Now, how come you got away so soon after our date?"

"Because someone needed killing," the Green Man explained. "And not because Ms. Madison was jealous, as you assumed."

"Well, that was less grim, wasn't it?" the Girl in Grey bubbled. "Say, do you have spare food?"

"For you, my dear Grey Girl," the Green Man drawled, "always. Do you drink?"

The Girl in Grey glared at him.

"We had wine on our date!" she bridled. "Or do I mean so little to you?"

"As I said, my dear," the Green Man sighed, "I had to kill someone right after our date. Yelling for mercy in the most selfish manner and blood tend to cloud the memory. Especially if the wine in question was red."

"I suppose so," the Girl in Grey shook her head, smiling. "But you must understand how I feel..."

"I'm afraid not," the Green Man chuckled. "After all, it's on my account that Ms. Madison keeps breaking her dates with her young man."

The Girl in Grey made a face.

"But right now, I'm glad she's in Bermuda with him." She spoke spiritedly, leaning on the former communion table, where the Green Man was eating. "Mind if I pull up a pew?"

"Try a seat," the Green Man replied. "The pews are fixed down. And while you eat, we can decide our strategy for tomorrow."

"Our strategy!" the Girl in Grey's eyes were big as saucers. "You mean I'm in on this?"

"You heard right," the Green Man chuckled. "Tomorrow, you and I will be taking an early morning trip. So you'd better get in some sleep once we've finished plotting. The old vestry's still cosy."

"What about you?" the girl in Grey looked concerned.

"Lecture hall," The Green Man explained. "Chicken wing?"

When Green Meets Grey: Part one

A long way from London, in a massive country house, surrounded by rolling parkland, lives the Green Man. The house holds no clues as to his true idenity, save for the top room in the tower, which is closed due to 'structural weaknesses'. In fact, this contains the Green Man's communications hub. With Ms. Madison sunning herself in Bermuda, the Green Man had to do his own 'phone answering. When the instrument rang, the Green Man snatched it up.

"This is the Green Man," he declared softly. "What's your number?"

"Seventy-nine, Carmarthen," came the reply. "A message was received at County Hall threatening the death of everyone in Carmarthen if a massive ransom isn't paid. The rendezvous point is a tiny Welsh Chapel graveyard above Myddfai." The speaker was male, possessed of a strong Welsh accent. "I got it out of one of the council staff who drinks a lot."

"Send me a full report," the Green Man spoke soberly. "Fax or e-mail. I need to know the location and the procedure. And I need to know this isn't a trap."

"As you say, Green Man," the Welsh farmer chuckled. "Remember to visit Llandudno for the Red Kites."

The Green Man smiled, assured by the repetition of this simple and common error that he was speaking to a man of integrity.

And so it was that, just under a day later, the Green Man arrived in the small town of Llangadog, one of the most stylish towns in the Towy Valley. Passing through the town, the Green Man was able to establish himself in a deserted chapel a little outside, ordering in a good meal from another of his contacts, a chef at a local hotel. With candles burning all around him, the Green Man settled down to a good meal. He kept on his mask, although removing the lower part so that he could eat.

It was while he was finishing his pudding that one of the two huge windows in the chapel facade exploded into thousands of tiny fragments.